Growing up in a small town of Albania, she's kind of innocent and naive and maybe doesn't have a lot of experience with the larger world out there. Only if she took the midnight bus going anywhere, then she's out of her mind and can't stand it anymo...
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"She have a history of self-harm and that she constantly relapse, given that she hide it with a watch. I still noticed that horizontal line in her wrist. She constantly feel ashamed about this fact. The best chance of making an accurate diagnosis is her telling me some stories. Depending on her underlying medical problem, some of my questions may upset or anger her. Some mental health problems are hard to diagnose so you may not get a definitive diagnosis but this time when she tried to open up, I notice some things."
"She wants to be you." Sambit nang doctor habang tinitignan ang mga papel. "She was suffering from Echopraxia a meaningless repetition or imitation of the movements of others as a symptom of psychiatric disorder. She might imitate your style of walking, or body language. Your way of clothing, everything, because in her mind. She is Amira. She is you."
Humagulgol ang ina ni Anika, bakas sakanya ang paghihirap. Kapansin pansin din ang pangangayayat nito.
"She also mentioned na patay na si Anika, Sa isip niya wala nang Anika. She believe that her self is just a mistake na dapat hindi na mabuhay so she tried to make her mind believe na siya si Amira. Buong buhay niya wala siyang ginawang kahit ano para sa sarili niya. Even the things she enjoy, kinalimutan niya dahil sa pagmamahal niya sayo at kay Janus."
"She was insecure, hindi siya nabuhay para sa mga pangarap niya, she tried to live your dreams and do her best and also to become the best. She is always hoping for your approval. You always make decisions for her."
"Mirroring occurs when people with Personality Disorders have a vacant or distorted self-image, which can manifest itself as an imitation of another person’s speech, mannerisms, behaviours, dress style, daily habits in more extreme manifestations of this behaviour," huminto ang Doctor at tinatantya ang babaeng nasa harap niya kung kakayanin pa ba nito ang kanyang mga sinasabi. Ngumiti si Amira, kahit na hirap na hirap ay kinakailangan niyang marinig ito para matulungan ang sariling anak.
"The person doing the mirroring might begin to believe they actually are the other person, to the extent they might call themselves by their name, claim to be them or ‘borrow’ elements of the other person’s life such as relationships, past experiences, career or family history and claim these as their own."
"She also copy you because she believes that after so many years she had no identity. She lives in a world that you create and after that incident, nawalan siya nang baby at akala niya wala na siyang purpose sa mundong ginagalawan niya. She tends to believe na if she is being Amira, She will live her life with purpose and happiness kaya pinatay niya ang sarili niya, gamit ang utak niya. She needs help Amira, She needs you and her friends. Please be strong." Pakiusap nang Doctor bakas sakanya ang naawa sa nangyari sa mag ina.
2 years later, New york 8am
12 sessions, Dr Farrel has been my tour guide in my experiences, he help me to see things in different ways so that I can change my way of thinking about whatever I was impacted by.
During those battles, I always asked myself. What is Life in reverse? I keep hearing voices that life in reverse is death.
Natatawa na lamang ako at laging mapapatingin sa pulu pulsuhan ko, With this scar, it reminds me how many times I died, and how many times I survived. Nakakapanghina isipin, masakit balikan pero marami akong natutuhan.
All this time, I was living life in reverse. I was living like I didn't live at all. I talk differently, I look different, I sound different.
Everything! It's just that, it's not me.
I am desperate to feel the rush of love. I was too young and too naive to understand what was love supposed to be. I realized that if I didnt let go of my issues, the pattern would continue.
I will be living life in reverse, I let go the possible future that will never be. I feel trapped and sometimes when I walk by a mirror, I was afraid to look up out of the fear of what I might see.
"You have to let it go, Anika. Because past is that who he was, not who he is. Hindi ka naman na siguro bulag?" Napanguso ako kay Dr. Farrel, natawa lamang siya at ginulo ang buhok ko. Nakita niya ang pageempake ko agad siyang napangiti, tumayo na siyang tatay ko.
The girls is waiting, lagot ako kay Clover dahil late ata masyado ang pagbabalik ko. Bubungangaan na naman ako ni Bianca, malamang dadasalan ako ni Bridgette, aartehan ni Trinity, at Ibrobroadcast ni Claudine.
Tinignan ko ang picture frame na laging nakatabi saakin bago matulog, siguro miss na miss na ako ni mommy na tawagin na pinakamagandang anak, kasi ako miss na miss ko na din siya.
My heart is calm, My vision were clear, I am ready to return to Albania.
I am ready to come home.
Stories keep the world revolving, Live yours. Don't miss out!
The End
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