Its Best If We Just Confess (Ryan Follese Fanfiction)

It's Best If We Just Confess - Chapter 7

Every day blurs in a mix of sleep and internal drama. "It was all my fault." I think "No, no, it was John. Not me." I contradict myself and that same pattern follows for every thing I say to myself.

The panicking has started to die down, although it has been 2 weeks since that happened. One of the boys, most often Ryan, is always present in my house anytime of day or night. It's actually comforting.

A few days afterwards, when the worst of it was over, Ryan and I had a talk.

 He was scared. He was as scared as I was.

"Please, please don't push everyone away this time. We're here for you, and I can't lose you. Lose you again."

Ryan helped my so much when I was in the brutal hands of Anthony, my older Brother. I would talk to him almost every night and every minute I could. When I got into the worst of my brothers abuse, my brother found out about Ryan. He threatened to hurt me even more so if I continued to contact Ryan. So I stopped, I stopped talking to Ryan. We had gone to the same school and I switched schools so I wouldn’t see him, life was hard but it was harder without Ryan.

 Even after I turned eighteen and got away from Anthony I still didn’t talk to Ryan, I was so scared he would still hurt me if I attempted to speak to him. It wasn’t until a year later when I was nineteen I bumped into him at a super market. Thankfully we repaired our friendship after another year of constant contact it was just as good as it was when we were kids.

That time away may have physically saved me from even more unnecessary punishment, but mentally it killed me. Talking and being with Ryan is what healed me, being with Jamie too.

"I can't lose you again." I reply to Ryan

"You'll never lose me"

"You'll never lose me"

That was that. We both agreed not to push each other away; I had felt like we had already come to a mutual agreement in our heads long before, but saying it out loud made it seem more set in stone.

-

Right now Ian was knocking on my bedroom door commanding me to come out and eat something.

"You need to eat something Mads!" he says

I haven't had much of an appetite lately. Plus my supply of food has dwindled down into a small selection even though Nash did restock it once.

"There's nothing to eat!" I whine

"Well why don’t we go to the store then?"

"We?" I hadn’t left my apartment in two weeks, this would be the first.  

"Did you take a shower this morning?" he asks through the door

"Yeah."

"Well then why don't we both go to the store?"

"I, uh- okay." I stammer "Just give me a minute"

"Uh huh" he simply replies

I scramble to grab my phone and purse, I'm already dressed and don’t bother to apply any makeup. I look better than I did last week, but still have rather pale skin and the remains of the bruised marks on my skin. I shuffle out and we trot to the car together.

 The radio, the road, and the blue sky. Seen them all so many times, but I haven't seen much of them lately. The world seemed to have so much life in it, full of wonder. Life I've been missing in myself. I rolled the window of the car down enjoying the cold fall weather, the speed of the car causing a constant gush of wind to hit my face and float over my shoulders.

Ian pulls out a cart from the holder and rolls it through the 'magically' parting doors, me following closely behind. We venture through the store grabbing a few things here and there, all the staples like milk, bread, chocolate…

"I'm going to go get some cans of Arizona tea!" I call over to Ian who is currently comparing brands of peanut butter, he nods and I skip over to the drink isle.

I scan the shelves for the brand of tea I wish for, after checking one side of the shelving system I turn on my heels to look at the other.

I stop. Black hair, fair skin, piercing blue eyes.

It's him.

"Madison?" He questions. Fuck he's staring right at me.

I run back around the corner right as his words are spoken

"Ian, lets go. Now." I warn

"Can we pay first?" he looks at me confused

"No, Anthony is here." I whisper yell

"Shit"

We sprint out, abandoning the cart, rushing into the vehicle, and once we hit the road I break down.

I thought things where going to get better. I put my head in my hands and soon I'm crying crocodile tears, loud, heavy sobs, and large gasps for air. Flashbacks. Flashbacks are all that’s going through my head; it's so vivid I can almost feel hit hits and blows. His dagger like eyes provided just enough to provoke my memory. Once back at my apartment Ian carries me inside, my hands are still cupped around my face and I curl close to him. He sets me on the couch inside, still not saying anything. He calls the only person that can make me feel better, Ryan.

Soon Ryan's at my side, rubbing my back, while saying things to comfort me "Shhh, its okay" he speaks in a hushed tone. I attack him in a hug, that what I really need. He pulls me into his lap as my arms are linked behind him and his squeeze at my sides.

"You want to tell me what happened?" he asks pulling away, and then setting me back on the couch.

"I saw Anthony at the store when I went with Ian, he recognized me too. What if he followed us home and knows where I live now? Or I run into him again?" I choke out

"Don’t think about that" he says

"I know I shouldn't, but I can't stop wondering"