O You Who Believe

19)

"O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion. And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality. And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them – perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good."

[An-Nisa 4:19]

This verse was revealed about Kabshah Bint Ma'an al-Ansariyyah and Muhsin Ibn Abi Qays al-Ansari; for before the advent of Islam, they used to inherit the women of their fathers.

In the pre-Islamic period, men used to inherit the wives of their fathers in the same way as they inherited their properties. The wife of a deceased father used to be inherited by the eldest son. If the woman was rich and beautiful, the eldest son would marry her without giving her any dowry.

If, however, she was neither rich, young nor beautiful, he would not marry her but instead leave her untouched until she ransomed herself with her own money. Allah forbade them from indulging in such a practice. Then He showed them how one must treat women, saying: (But consort with them) keep their company (in kindness) with beneficence and goodness, (for if ye hate them) i.e. hate their company (it may happen that ye hate a thing) their company (wherein Allah hath placed much good) Allah may provide you with righteous children from them.

The explanation of the ruling is that women are considered weak, and they are imprisoned beneath your severity. Beware of tormenting them, and do not rule over them by way of scheming and deceit. Do not be severe, and do not ask of them what the Shariah does not approve. On the contrary, live with them honorably.

(Take back part of what you gave them) refers to dowry (meher). (Unless they commit a clear immorality) refers to adultery or rebellion.

Although outwardly and specifically Allah (SWT) is talking about women, by way of allusion He is talking generally about all Muslims. He is saying, “Watch out so that you never see yourself as having a mandatory rightful due from, or an excellence over, any other Muslim. Do not ask those above you to serve you, and do not push yourself on those beneath you. Do not use force against the folk of weakness, but rather strive to show consideration and give comfort to them and seek proximity to them.”

A revelation came to Da'ud (A.S): “O David, if you see someone broken in My road, or someone whose heart has been lost in My work, take care to serve him.

With a bit of bread, or a drink of water, seek proximity to him and sit next to the sun of his heart's light. O David, the heart of that pain-stricken poor man is the rising place of My light's sun. The sun of My majesty's light is always shining in the chamber of his heart.”

Eah order of Allah (SWT) holds it's characteristic importance in the lives of a Muslim and hence, the focus on the rights of women should also be.

"And live with them in kindness."

By saying kind words to them, treating them kindly and making your appearance appealing for them, as much as you can, just as you like the same from them. Allah said in another verse, "And they have rights similar over them to what is reasonable."

(Qur'an 2:228)

The Messenger of Allah said, "The best among you is he who is the best with his family. Verily, I am the best one among you with my family."

It was the practice of the Messenger of Allah (S.A.W) to be kind, cheerful, playful with his wives, compassionate, spending on them and laughing with them.

Lastly, Allah tells us that living with kindness with spouses is an order from Allah and if one doesn't like his or her spouse, it may be possible that Allah has placed much benefit in them for us in the long run hence we must trust Allah with His decree.

حسبنا اللہ ونعم الوکیل نعم المولی و نعم النصیر

Sufficient for us is Allah and He is the Best Disposer of affairs. The Best to protect and The Best to help.

The last part of the verse eternally builds hope in the heart of a believer. It regards to Allah's great plan. And while we know not what Allah knows, Allah reassures us by saying that perhaps you do not like a thing but it is beneficial for you because Allah always does what is the best in terms of our advantage.

Things we learnt:

> It is declared hara'am (unlawful) by Allah to compulse a woman into marriage.

> Taking back dowry (meher) from them and causing troubles and difficulties for them in this regard is not allowed.

> If a woman has done adultery, rebellion or illicit sex then the dowry can be taken back.

> It is advised to share a feeling of compassion, kindness and care between spouses. This can only be done if the partners love eachother for the sake of Allah. And when a husband and a wife love each other for Allah's sake, Allah looks at them with mercy.

> It is advised to be patient if one dislikes his or her spouse because it is possible that Allah has placed benefit for one in that specific person that one dislikes. So instead of rushing to conclusions, not trusting Allah and His plan and rebelling against the spouse, one should practice patience because Allah is not without a plan.

May Allah guide us to the right path.
Ameen.
Wama alayna illal balaghul mubeen.