My internet dairies

I dont understand anymore ...

  December 16 2014, yes last Tuesday. So if you didn't know this I'm in middle school. I play basketball for my school. So Tuesday the 16th we had an away game and are team isn't that great and we lost ,woop-duh-de-duh-do , its a game oh well. Its not like were a famous team or whatever its middle. So when it was over me and my best friend ( I'm finally gonna tell you guys her name, oh my gursh) , my best friend Rylee, we sat by each other as usual. We always sit by each other when we go to our games , I mean on our way there and on our way back and she won't even let anyone else sit by me, its kinda flattering. But we have a routine where I sit by the window and she sits by the alle. Well one of our other friends sat in front of us her name is Danielle.

  So since I forgot my headphones that day rylee shared her music with me, it was fun. But since she did that I allowed her to play around on my tablet. So she decided while I wasn't looking, for that one moment ,to start texting my crush, I mean she went full out on this and said hey baby what are you doing right now , with the emoji and everything.

     I almost died cause when I looked I saw and it said he just saw it and I didn't know how he would respond. I couldn't believe how he responded because he said he was playing a game and then he said baby back to me with emojis. I was in shock for like five minutes. Then he asks me what I'm doing and she decided to reply back riding the bus(which we were doing) but with a winky emoji. So he says why are you saying this, this isn't ********(my name). She replys back because I'm human. Of course he knows me so well to know that I don't use emojis( cause I don't like emojis there annoying to me).

  So then he starts asking why I called him baby earlier. Like really why didn't you ask that earlier? But then she says why not baby. So they go back and forth for awhile on the topic of why "I" (she,rylee) called him baby. Then she decided to say to him because I'm druck in love. Like the fuck? Are you trying to ruin my good friendship with him?

   As she keeps acting as if its me, she tells him I like him, and asks if he likes me back, he says he doesn't know, and that he doesn't really know who he likes. But then she says to him that I'll take that as a yes(as in that he's saying that he likes me), so he says whatever floats your boat. At that moment we were approaching the school, and rylee said it was her texting the whole time. Then I text him sorry rylee likes to take over.

   He actually had the nerve to say sorry I can't DTE you right now. THE FUCK!! Did I ask you to date me honey boo boo? No ,no I didnt, of course I didnt say that to him right then cause I wasn't being smart on how to text him about that topic. I asked him if there was a rule about why not. Well before I go any farther. The reason he's saying he can't date me is because he just dated rylee and they just broke up like a week an a half ago before that night.

   Okay now you guys might think I'm a bitch liking my best friends ex but no I liked him before they started dating. She totally forgot I liked him when she said yes when he asked her out. So who's the bitch now....

  Anyways he went on telling me how it wouldn't be right dating his ex's best friend right after they broke up. Yeah he was right but really dude you know I'm just here waiting for you and you still don't seem to care. Well then we get in an argument about how we care for each other but that we don't care anymore.

   It was stupid because he's telling me he was trying and I didn't even notice. And I notice a lot, I'm one of those people that notice the weird things that people don't see. Then finally I tell him about two hours later why I said I don't care anymore, I mean I do care about him a lot but I didn't know what to say to him I that moment.

    Then he tells me its fine and that he doesn't want to talk right now. So I said okay, and I didn't want to talk either so we were bother on the same level of not talking to each other. Then its the weekend and I tell him straight up that I didn't say I wanted to date him, and we leave that on a bad note. So this whole past week was spirit week and we didn't talk.

   No text, no actually speaking to each other in class, just distant glances at each other. I mean I just looked at him straight into the eyes a couple times and gave him that look saying what happen to us, we use to be something and now it looks like we're never gonna be anything. And he looks back at me like it doesn't have to be that way.

     But one of the days of spirit week was to dress up all fancy and of course I don't usually do that for school but I felt so proud of myself to go outside of my comfort zone. Everyone kept telling me how pretty I was and I felt pretty as I fuck! None of those compliments meant much, I mean they made feel prettier but if they came from him it would've meant more.

    So yesterday Saturday the 20th of December 2014 my other best friend in the world Alexis tells me that she asked him a question and that he got mad. I asked her what they were talking about and what the question was so she told me. She said she told him that she noticed that me and him haven't talked pretty much at all the whole week and she said arent you guys like best friends? He said yeah to her. Then she's asks is it because of rylee and ariano dating? He told her yeah then said I'm done.

    What makes this so complicated is that's rylee is my best friends , ariano is my cousin and **** (the boy that shall not be named is my crush) but he's also rylee's ex.

  But like two minutes after Alexis told me what she texted him, he started texting me. I was shocked so I said umm hey, he was like oh fine I get it you don't want to talk to me, and of course I want to talk to him so I said I was supposed he said hi since we haven't talked in a week, even at school. He explain to me that he didn't talk to me at school because I'm always with ariano and rylee. But I told him that there really my only friends besides Alexis. He said he was only trying to explain why we don't talk anymore. But are conversation kinda just ended there.

  I wish my conversations didn't end like that with him anymore. We use to have to end are conversations when one of us had to leave or go to bed. But now it just ends because neither of us know what to say to each other. Its sad it has to be like this right now. I don't know how to talk to him anymore.