so tired of being so tired (she-ra)

so tired of being so tired

TW// Suicide

From the moment Catra slipped from Adora's arms, she knew exactly what she was doing.

The feline gently stepped off the shared bed and slowly walked over to the desk in the corner of the room. She opened a drawer on it and pulled out a small box hidden in the back of it, then pulled out a piece of paper from it. The paper was folded delicately and with care down to the size of a dollar bill. She walked back over to the bed and placed the paper into the sleeping blonde's hand.

With a delicate kiss to her forehead, Catra slipped out of the room into the halls of Brightmoon without any hesitation. She knew that if she stayed, Adora could wake up and it would ruin her whole plan. The only thing she could hear as she walked was her own footsteps, but she didn't pay any attention to them at all. She was lost in her own thoughts.

If she were to be honest, she never thought that this day would come. She always felt there was going to be no end to her pain, no end to her thoughts, but it felt like finally, the end was in sight.

After this, she would never have to deal with the glares and dirty looks she'd get walking down the halls. She would never have to deal with knowing how much pain she caused everyone and how many people suffered because of her. She would never have to deal with her own thoughts nagging at her. She would never have to deal with the PTSD from all of Shadow Weavers abuse growing up or from the war she fought in. She would never have to deal with the constant weight on her shoulders to redeem herself. She wouldn't have to deal with the guilt of her actions anymore. She would never have to deal with the looks of pity from her comrades ever again. She would never have to make Adora worry about her. She would never hurt her again.

And she was sure of it.

Her feet brought her to a staircase that seemed to never end but she walked up it anyways. She knew it would be easier if she climbed up to the top of the castle like she usually did, but she wanted to feel the burning in her legs one last time as she walked.

By the time she reached the top, she pushed through a door and was met with the cool breeze of the outer world. She stepped out onto the roof and slowly started to walk towards the railing. A small smile made its way onto her face as her hands grasped the cold metal. She leaned onto it and closed her eyes.

Catra allowed herself to appreciate this moment. The wind gently blew through her hair. This small thing felt different to her in this moment, though. Most of the time she would curse the breeze out when her hair blew into her face like this and adjust her mask, but she didn't have her mask on. She found it soothing in the moment though and she let it happen. It was almost like a small whisper in her ear telling her she's doing the right thing. Almost like a warm, comforting hug.

It would never compare to one of Adora's, though.

As soon as that thought came to the girl's head, her eyes snapped open. The blonde was the only reason she had made it this far. The only reason why she postponed this for so long.

Her breathing quickened as all of the moments with Adora came back to her at once. All of the nights they spent awake in each others arms with pointless conversations and constant giggling. All of the times that the feline had woken up from a nightmare and was welcomed into warm, caring arms. All of the small kisses they snuck when nobody was looking between meetings. All of the laughter. All of the passionate kisses when they were alone.

It all rushed back to her and punched her in the gut.

Her breathing then began to become shaky and her grip on the railing tightened. She couldn't stop herself from thinking about Adora now.