Tempting Tatiana

04

Tatiana Gabriella

THIS is not me.

This is not me.

This is not me.

"What does he even mean by that?" I asked myself before taking the morning after pill and a glass of water.

Alam kong pagabi na, but it was better late than never for I was not yet ready to become a mother.

I sighed heavily when I placed the glass on my bedside table and glanced upon the picture frame beside it. It was a candid shot of my siblings and I. Nakaupo ako sa gitna nila Trenton at Ate Eponne habang kumakain ng cotton candy. Malungkot kong tinitigan ang masayang mukha ni Ate.

The past years had been very trying and overwhelming for me but I managed to pick up the pieces. My sister killing herself was the most painful dagger that was still piercing my heart and I knew that I can never move on from what she did. Siguro namanhid na lang ng ginawa niya ang kung ano pang lungkot na pwede kong maramdaman.

It was an infinite lonesome; the scars that she left, the hollow place in my heart that only her presence can refill and her broken promise of always looking after me. Now I was left with always looking over my shoulders, for no one else will do it for me. Well, Trenton was still very much alive...but I cannot feel him. I cannot help but feel alone. Really alone.

I was startled when the intercom phone above my bedside table started ringing. It was a call from the lobby of our building, so I answered it.

"What the fuck, Tatiana? Kanina pa ako tumatawag at naghihintay dito sa 'baba ng King Terra. Damn it, kahit magpaalam kagabi talagang 'di mo nagawa? How drunk were you? Paano ka nakauwi? Buzz us in. Kasama ko si Rebecca at dala namin purse mo and some food," dire-deretsong sermon ni Argus kaya natawa na lang ako.

"Nag-date na kayo? Bilis naman," I teased, clearly deviating the conversation.

I had not yet fully absorbed the fact that I literally had a one night stand, all puns intended and who knew if someone saw what we did? Nakakahiya. Worse, someone could have recorded at may susulpot na lang na sex video of me and that... that asshole. Him just not talking at the end of it and leaving quietly should have been the right ending of that night. He just had to spit those four words and voila—I was a walking self-doubter.

"Don't you dare deviate the conversation, Tatiana Gabriella Lumineer. Paakyatin mo na kami, kung hindi ay kakainin ko itong mango bingsu."

"Fine, you had me at bingsu," I ended the call then lazily stood up. Pumunta na ako sa sala para salubungin sila.

I unlocked the door and waited for them to come up. Naupo na ako sa couch na kaharap ng pinto. I hurt all over especially in between my thighs at sana ay hindi nila mapansin. Mabuti na lang din at nakasuot ako ng hoodie at pajamas para hindi na rin nila makita ang mga kagat sa leeg ko at pasa sa kamay.

It was an intense rough night in which I will truly never forget. If only he never spoke those four words, it would have been perfect.

Wala rin naman akong intensiyon na ulitin ang ganoong bagay. I was not the type to sleep around but I don't regret it. Once was enough. Hindi rin ako maghahabol or anything dahil wala namang rason para gawin 'yon.

The uni was big too, and though there was a chance that we will see each other, it was unlikely. Sa ilang taon kong pag-aaral doon ay kagabi ko lang siya nakita, and I prayed that it will stay that way. I had no room for other complications right now, at wala rin akong balak munang mag-boyfriend ulit.

Agad kong napansin ang paggalaw ng doorknob. Isang nakakunot-noong Argus ang pumasok at isang nahihiyang Rebecca. Kakalipat ko lang din dito last month since I decided to live out of one of my brother's suites at sila ang unang mga bisita ko.

"The hell, 'di mo nilock?"

I glared at him and managed to pull my shotgun under the couch. It was kuya Ollie's, my cousin's version of a house warming present and it was by far the most sensible thing that I had ever received, though somehow... ironic and morbid.

"I'm not stupid." Kinasa ko pa ito to prove a point but made sure my fingers were no way inside the trigger guard.

"Such a smart ass. Akin na, baka pumutok pa." I handed it over to him and he immediately pushed the action bar release to unload the rounds.

"Hey, Rebecca. Nag-date na kayo?" I waved at her and she awkwardly waved back bago naupo na sa tabi ko.

"Ah, oo. Shit, hindi naman ako shy type, but this feels a bit embarassing, Tati." She handed me the take out bingsu in which I excitedly opened and started digging in bago pa matunaw.

Argus just knew how to make me feel better.

"Salamat, this is my hangover cure," I gave her a wide smile.

"Grabe hangover mo? Argus told me that you won 10k last night? I was unaware na may pot money pala. Grabe ka, girl, ikaw na ang chugger of the month. I can drink a bottle of Patron pero dahan-dahan lang. Ibang level din ang liver mo, ano?"

"She tried to yolo last night, Rebecca. Hindi niya na rin 'yon pwedeng ulitin at isusumbong ko na talaga 'yan sa nanay niya." Lumapit sa akin si Argus na nakasimagot pa rin. "Here. Purse mo, na-charge na rin 'yong phone mo, i-on mo na lang at parang madami ring notifications. Sayang hindi ko nasagot kung tumawag man si Ninang Stacy." He handed me my things at kaagad kong binuksan ang cellphone ko.

"Salamat. Though you don't have to be so grumpy about it. Safe naman akong nakauwi."

"Anong safe?" He crossed his arms and sat beside Rebecca. "Oh, bakit hindi ka nagpaalam kagabi? 'Di ba sabi ko ako ang maghahatid sa 'yo? Paano kung na-rape ka?"

Halos mabilaukan ako ng bingsu sa sinabi niya.

"Ang O.A. mo. Jace fetched me and drove me back here safely. Nakigamit ako ng phone sa isa sa mga bouncers mo pagbaba ko galing ng bathroom. Hindi na ako nagpaalam dahil dumiretso na ako sa labas niyo at naghintay sa may gate. Walang masamang nangyari," I told him the truth that he will understand.

I cashed in my one 'no questions asked' card that Jace owed me. Kinapalan ko na lang ang mukha ko kaysa magpahatid pa kay Argus at makwento ko sa kanya kagabi ang nangyari. Nakakahiya. I was just glad that Jace drove immediately at binilhan pa ako ng kape. I knew na marami siyang isesermon at itatanong sana, but given the 'no questions asked' card ay hindi niya ginawa.

We also agreed to have coffee when the schedule permits to catch up.

"Jace? Ay, ang sweet! Magbabalikan na kayo?" Rebecca clapped her hands giddily habang mas lumukot ang mukha ni Argus.

"Hinatid niya lang ako. We're in good terms."

"Goodterms, my ass..." Sumabat si Argus. I eyed him kaya napabuntonghininga na lang siya. "Fine. You're forgiven since you went home safe," Bumuntonghininga pa ulit siya like the mother hen that he was at nakakuha siya ng kurot sa tagiliran mula kay Rebecca.

"Okay na, ha? Kung hindi lang kita crush at hindi ko kilala si Tati ay magseselos na talaga ako."

"Damn, Rebecca. Hindi naman lahat ng bagay ay naeequate sa pagkakacrush. Besides look at her, and look at me. She's...too...tiny." Argus stuck his tongue at me and I did the same. Matangkad lang talaga siya sa usual at average lang naman ang height ko.

I felt my phone vibrated and I saw that it was already flooded with notifications. I had to blink and scroll back and forth a few times to make sure that I was not imagining a specific notification.

And I was not, for Othello Severino Rustia really sent me a Photogram follow request.

......