Tempting Tatiana

16

Tatiana Gabriella

IT HAD been a week since I went back home. Napilit na lang din ako nina kuya na hindi pumasok muna dahil kakatapos lang din ng midterms. I planned to make up for what I missed next week and Argus made sure to have Rebecca save me reading materials when I called him a few days ago.

Siguro kinailangan ko rin na umuwi dito sa amin. I missed the fresh air, our family, the places that my sister used to take me. Binalikan ko 'yun lahat at hinayaan ang sarili na umiyak.

I had not yet fully mourned ate's death, afraid that I'll eventually forget her if I did. It was my biggest fear.

I also decided to deactivate my PG account for the duration of my stay here para na rin malinawan ako.

Othello and my cycle cannot stay like this, push and pull. Sooner or later ay totoong magkakasakitan na kami. I had already decided to go to him as soon as I get back to Manila, to talk it over, at kung iba man ang magiging conclusion in the end ay tatanggapin ko.

I just know this for sure. I had already fallen in love with my lover. His way with words, the intensity of his claim, hold and everytime he looked at me. He made me feel alive. It was all him. It was all Othello he makes my heart pound like no other.

....

"SIGURADO ka talaga nito, Tatiana?" pang-ilang beses na yatang tanong ni Argus sa akin kahit patanggal na ako ng seatbelt.

"Yes I am."

"Fuck..." Umiling siya at nilingon ako. "Sige, pero sasamahan kita paakyat. I need to make sure that you will be okay."

Tumango na lang ako at bumaba na ng sasakyan niya. Sabay kaming naglakad papunta sa basement elevator. He pressed the button for the penthouse.

"I..." He chuckled. "I never thought that I'd be standing in an elevator with you while you nervously prepare yourself to profess your undying love for that fuckboy friend of mine. I really do hope he keeps you Tatiana. He is..lucky. I wish for your happiness."

Tiningala ko siya. I nervously smiled at him then pressed his hand for a second before clasping my hands together.

"Salamat, Argus. That means a lot."

Hindi na kami nagsalita pa at hinintay na lang hanggang sa makalabas na ng elevator. We were welcomed by muffled sounds and I could tell that there was a party happening at one of the units.

"The fuck? He must be crazy holding a party like this." Argus mumbled before stopping at the unit where the sounds were coming from. He unlocked the door.

I was not even a step inside, but I could clearly see Othello seated on the couch, surrounded by girls that painted him in a very compromising position, some were touching him and I saw someone sucking his fingers. He was only wearing his jeans on at ngiting-ngiti pa siya. Hindi ko nagawang galawin ang mga paa ko.

I recognized one of the girls though, it wass Jacque and she was now straddling his lap then let out a giggle before leaning in to kiss him. I think I just became a masochist for I waited until I saw his hand gripped her hair and oh my god, he threw her effortlessly like a pillow on the floor!

"That's it, I am fucking done with you, bitches!" sigaw pa nito habang nakataas ang dalawang kamay. I was not sure if he's high, drunk or sober for there was something in the way his eyes glinted and he looked so happy.

Then as if he sensed me, he looked at my direction and our eyes met. He looked stricken and guilty.

"Putang-ina mo talaga, Rustia!" Argus growled before lunging at Othello and tackling him.

Punches were thrown at tumalikod na ako. I did not know why I let myself be in this kind of situation but for sure my heart felt like it was breaking.

.......

"KUYA..." Saka pa lang ako nagpakawala ng malakas na iyak nang makapasok na sa sasakyan ni kuya Trenton.

Hindi siya nagtanong or what, hinayaan niya lang ako hanggang sa maubos ang luha ko.

"It'll be fine, just let it out, Tati."

.....

"PAPASOK ako, don't worry," I ended the call with Argus and readied myself for my morning class.

I tuned out everything that happened and conditioned myself to get up and get going. My heart maybe breaking but I refused to be weak. I cannot let some foolish stupid boy ruin my life, kaya tama na iyong iniiyak ko kay kuya kahapon.

I chose my favorite vintage Allure square neck dress that fell just below the knee. Inayos ko rin ang sarili ko and took my time making myself look good. At least on the outside. Tumawa ako ng mapakla bago lumabas na ng kwarto, dala ang mga gamit ko papuntang uni.

I was surprised to find Othello outside my unit, waiting and holding a piece of sunflower. Nakita ko kaagad ang putok niyang labi at namamagang panga. Nagtama rin ang mga mata namin, and I saw the distraught in his eyes, while I knew that he saw the pain in mine.

"Tatiana..."

"Hey. Goobye," tanging nasabi ko at nilagpasan na siya at tumayo sa harap ng elevator.

"Mag-usap tayo. Please," I heared him from behind me, though he did not dare touch me.

"Not now."

.......

"GRABE, sarap niya talaga. Dilig na dilig ako kahapon, be."

"Swerte mo talaga, ano?"

My ears were ringing upon what I just heared. I kneww Jacque purposely made her voice louder when she saw me enter our room. Dapat yata ay hindi ko masyadong inagahan ngayon ang pagpasok.

"Oo, susunduin nga ako mamaya ni Othello. He's taking me to their house."

Umiling na lang ako at nawalan na ng ganang pumasok. It was wrong, but the back of my mind shouted that I should stay and endure.

I'll only hurt if I let it. I'll only hurt if I let it. I'll only hurt if I let it, I chanted in my head.

.....