Mysterious Romance

Emma

"You've been hanging out with friends more," Finn comments when I get home.

He's sitting on the couch with his laptop in the way he describes as 'Half working, half slacking off.'

"Yeah. I have a coworker I've been getting along well with. He's the one I went to the trail with yesterday." I tell him.

"That's great. What's he like?" Finn asks, typing a few lines at lightning speed, then reading back over them.

"He's fun. I hope he can come next time I go to a trail. Also, he's writing a romance parody. It's really good."

"A writer, huh. You can illustrate his story." Finn says, distracted.

I laugh. I don't know if illustrations are what a book like that needs.

"The cover, maybe." I allow.

I peek into the kitchen to see how dinner is going.

"Ten minutes." May says.

"Thanks." I tell her.

From the smell and how many pots she has up it's going to be a good dinner.

I bring out my sketchpad and sketch Finn while I wait.

May calls everyone for dinner, and a few conversations break out. Cynthie is having problems with the latest update to FortCraft, Finn is having trouble with his latest program, Taylor is dating again, mom has a lead, dad has scheduled a particularly famous client.

The next morning I get up at six thirty, make pancakes, and eat them with jam. I text Caleb that I'm on my way and drive over.

He seems subdued.

"How are you?" I ask him, hoping to fish out why.

"Oh, I'm good." he says.

He still sounds restrained.

"Is something bothering you?" I press, hoping I'm not pushing too hard.

It could be something he doesn't want to talk about.

He's silent for a moment, staring at the ground instead of at the gorgeous sky. He tends to do that.

"Are you mad at me for yesterday?" he asks.

"No!" I say, startled. "Look, I don't blame you for how you acted with those two. You decided to change, but it doesn't happen all at once. You can't expect to completely control your behavior all at once. There will be times you disappoint yourself. And I still think you did fine." I add, then lapse into silence.

Did I overstep my boundaries? Does my advice sound like nonsense to him? I want to take it back.

"Thanks." he says. "I'm sorry."

He still sounds down. I'm not mad at him, how do I tell him that?

"Look, you can't be microanalyzing your behavior with me." I tell him.

I try to lighten the mood with a joking tone.

"You can't hold me up to an impossible standard." oh god, I'm making it worse aren't I.

He's still silent. I try to think of anything else to say, but I can't. I've rambled too much already, anyway.

"I could never hold an impossible standard of behavior."

"Again with the self deprecating... You should take the compliment straight out. And more than that, you could use to say more positive things about yourself." I tell him off, sounding like a mom even to my own ears.

He slows down, still staring at the ground.

"It's hard to think of anything positive to say about myself." he admits.

"Well I think you're a strong, courageous guy for leaving those people. And you're funny, and a skilled writer. You keep yourself neat even though you're living alone."

I wonder if I sound too pitying and condescending. That's not what I mean, I honestly think he's great.

"Thanks." he says.

I think he sounds a bit happier.

"Self positivity is a practiced skill." I add. "You say good things about yourself to yourself and after some time you start to believe it."

Or so I hear- I rarely have any problems believing in myself.

"I'll do that." he promises. "I'll have a big head in no time, you'll see."

That was still sort of a self deprecating joke... but he'll learn.

I remember about his diet too late to do anything about breakfast, but I resolve to bring him food tonight.

"I'll drop you and Elijah off, then give you a ride back with the food." I offer.

"Oh, you don't need to go so far out of your way." he says.

"It's my pleasure." I insist.

He realizes I'm not going to budge, and mulls it over for a minute.

"We'll walk there, then you can give me a ride back with the food?" he asks. "I do enjoy the walk, but more earlier in the day than later. And it still includes the food!" he says, beaming.

I agree to the arrangement.