Funny Business

The Horror of Divination

Sirius Black, pranking genius, punk rock handsomely rugged heir to the Black family fortune, the Gryffindor poster boy himself, really really really hated Divination.

He loathed it. With all of his being. Why had he continued to do it? Why?

But he knew why. Because James was there. And James was there because Lily was there.

But why?

As the Old Coot went on and on about inner eyes and tea leaves, Sirius was thinking about the most distracting prank he could pull. Maybe, if he was lucky, he would be kicked out of class and would never have to go again.

But knowing Minnie, he'd be punished with more of this horrible torture.

Maybe he could jump off the Astronomy Tower. That could work.

But then his hair would get messed up, and he couldn't have that. Oh the horror.

Sirius slammed his head on his table and nearly cried as the Professor once again gave a outlandish deceleration of someone's death. Half the class was supposed to die a very bloody death at the hand of loved ones, and the other half was going to die is a mysterious and tragic accident. Sirius was in the former group.

But, if he was being honest, it wasn't too far fetched. It was the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black.

He sighed loudly, hoping to just float away and be forgotten by the world, because then he wouldn't have to sit through another Divination class. Because literally nothing was worse than this.

Except maybe James's pile of dirty close that's stuffed under his bunk.

"Sirius, mate, you alright?" James half heartedly asked, too busy staring at Lily Evans to care about his bestmate.

"I'm just spectacular." He sarcastically muttered into the tablecloth. Maybe the tablecloth would care about him.

Sirius could hear James roll his eyes. Honestly if James wasn't his bestmate, there would be blood shed and tears.

Sadly, they were friends, so Sirius would have to be passive about his aggressiveness.

Sirius could practically see the prank he'd pull without James now. How dare he care more about Lily than Sirius? Was she a Marauder? No. Was she planning on becoming an illegal animagus for Moony? No. Was her hair so perfect and beautiful as Sirius's? Not even close.

Maybe Divination was just rubbing him raw, but then again, Sirius was known to be very dramatic all the time so, maybe it was just him.

But that was absurd, Sirius was perfect in every way and could do no wrong. Ever.

"Sirius, dear?" The Graying Bat said in her annoyingly dream like voice. "What does James's tea leave reveal about what will happen tomorrow?"

Sirius looked up and huffed loudly, making as mush as a scene as possible. He snatched the tea cup out of James's hands and nearly knocked the crystal ball off of the table.

The leaves just looked like a pile of shit. Really, who could make anything out if these mushy, vomit-like, leaf grinds?

He squinted his eyes as if trying to decipher the annoying and fake code of the wet bits. But who was he kidding? He was just gonna make something up as always.

"I see... pain and rejection. Something with unrequited love and red hair..." Sirius said sadly as if he had made sense of the pile of what looked like troll snot.

James snorted but the Crazy Lady looked pleased with the misfortune. Honestly, what was her deal? Did she have some sort of death and misery fetish? Did hearing some poor kid's horrible future get her off or something?

James grabbed Sirius's own cup and didn't even glance at it. "I see stupidity and me having to clean up another one of your messes."

"Please, that's nothing new." Sirius brushed off. It wasn't. Sirius was exceptionally good as making messes for James to clean up.

"Mate, really, what's up? You've been pissier than normal lately. And that's saying something."

Okay so maybe something was wrong with Sirius. Maybe it had something to do with Lily. Maybe it had something to do with Sirius wanting to love someone as much as James did Lily. Maybe it had something to do with wanting to be loved like Lily was loved by James. Maybe, but not very likely.

"Nothing. Just thinking about Astronomy." Sirius half lied. Yes the full moon in 3 days was bugging his like it always did, but it wasn't the main thing.

James nodded at the code word for 'I Am Worrying About Our Small Precious Cussing Deadly Bean Remus My-Middle-Name-Is-Not-Elizabeth Lupin'. "Me too, the homework is hard." James added.

That was code for 'Our Poor Baby Remus My-Middle-Name-Is-Not- Josephine-Either Lupin Is Going To Have A Tough Time And It Makes Me Sad'. Well, those were the Sirius interpretations of them anyway.

James was already staring at Lily Sirius-Black-Leave-Me-Alone-I-Will-Not-Tell-You-My-Middle-Name Evans. Poor James Your-Mother-Screams-It-You-Should-Know-It Potter was completely bent for that Red-Headed Nightmare. It was pitiful.

So Sirius The-Coolest-Guy-That-Has-Ever-Existed Black sat through the remainder to the lesson about short term Tea Leaf Reading given by the Old Lady Who Lives In A Cauldron trying to get James I-Am-A-Whore-For-Lily-Perfect-Beautiful-Evans to notice his pout.

All in all it was a terrible class as always and Sirius really needed to make fun of Slytherins to make the day less bleak.

Luckily, his next class was with Slytherins so that would be easy enough.

But now that is was on his mind, he could help but think about the full moon and Remus Tougher-Than-Us-All-Put-Together-Like-Really-How-Does-He-Do-It Lupin. That boy had to face another full moon alone because the Marauders still hadn't become animagi yet because they were absolutely useless.

The day was getting better when he sabotaged some Slytherins charms and caused some if them to have neon blue hair. But it didn't seem good until he heard Remus make a sly remark under his breath during Potions.

Because that was just so Remus. The Marauders Remus. His Remus. Remus I-Can-Dodge-Anything-And-Everything-This-Unfair-World-Tries-To-Hit-Me-With Lupin.

Sirius's nerves were calmed for the moment. Remus had been doing this since he was 6. He wasn't in anyway fragile. If anyone could do it, Remus My-Middle-Name-Is-Not-Even-Close-To-Anastasia-Please-Stop-You-Know-My-Middle-Name-Sirius Lupin.

Maybe Sirius loved someone like James loved Lily. Maybe. In a platonic way. Totally platonic. No romantic feelings involved. None.