Fear and Fate(poly)(bxb)

One

I want something to move.

It's a craving.

Sweet friction. Sporadic emotions. Wild unpredictability. When the rain is misting up the air and liquefying my skin. When I'm sharing sweat, the tiniest particles shifting between Romero and me. When I make Von angry, the ocean in his eyes spilling beyond his irises. And when Seven explodes. Hot passion flowing between us, sticking us together, making us struggle to separate.

I watch the three men from across the counter island in all their calmness. Seven is back hugging Romero. Grip soft but tight as he follows each of the older's movements. Whatever Romero is cooking smells amazing. Tomato and spices and bread and affection.

Von drinks his coffee. The porcelain mug is to his lips as his eyes find mine.

I look away from him like we're strangers. He's still intimidating like the first day I met him. The nearest object catches my attention. Our modern kitchen is mostly white, accents of rich dark wood here and there. The silver handles and appliances always look so clean against the simple backdrop. Then we have flowers and greenery from L in a couple of corners and on the breakfast bar.

With dark fingers, L is thumbing a fallen white rose petal. The color contrast is that of marshmallows in hot chocolate. L lays down on the couch next, still speaking to a doe-eyed Kimori about a new shipment of guns we have coming in.

Without a second thought, I walk over to the two, slide my body against L's, and lay on top of him.

"There's barely any kick to it. Have you used one before?" L asks; body stiffening, voice shaking. Just a second, and he's back to normal.

"I've heard it's the best nine-millimeter out, but I've never used one, never even seen one." Unlike L, Kimori is completely unfazed by my intrusion. He's starry eyes and smirking lips, excited to get his hands on something new.

When L speaks, his chest feels even warmer against my skin. He shifts, and I move with him as he hands Kimori the gun. "You'll get adjusted to it quickly. There's no recoil, and you're already a fast learner."

I'm no longer following their words, content with simply listening to the sound of their voices. L's smooth and soothing, almost coaxing. Kimori's more curt and intent like fingers typing on a keyboard.

I'm feeling the vibration of L's chest on my cheek as he speaks, watching Kimori's inspired expression as he does as well. When I look at them, I see two people capable of loving me and being loved by me.

I feel the warmth of L's skin through his shirt, the cool of his prosthetic arm. I look at the gold specks in his eyes longer and realize they are reflecting me. Is this how he sees me? Like something precious, something valuable. Beautiful.

L gently places his hand on my lower back, and I feel Kimori's eyes on me as their conversation ends. 

"Show it to me too." I nod my head towards the gun in Kimori's hands.

He beams at me, strokes his fingers along the body of the gun, and says something too fast for me to catch it, but I still understand him.

I understand the pearly shine in his almond eyes, the creases by the corners of his mouth, the stretch of his full lips.

I realize it as I watch him speak to me: he likes me so much. I feel like crying.

•••

I have a solo mission today. It takes place at my own home.

I'm staring at my father, wondering if there's something different– something I didn't see before. He looks like the man I've always known. The only man I've ever known.