She Is, Was, Will Be [girlxgirl]

Five

Nadine

Do you know how a monk feels when they are in the state of nirvana then it starts to rain hard with horse piss?

Well, I didn’t. I didn’t have any idea.

And that was exactly what I was feeling right then. Well you could say that when you’re in nirvana you’re all this peaceful and shit right? But you feel shit if it starts raining horse piss. I know it’s an unlikely analogy but, whatever. I immediately remembered the time when I was at the point of realizing that life isn’t a bunch of flowers and chocolates. It wasn’t really the same situation, but the outcome wasn’t that much different.

To be all dramatic, let’s put it this way: I was speechless.

It was the first time someone admitted that they like me in this confrontation confession kind of way. It caused me to have this strange feeling. Fuzzy feeling in my stomach. Those words coming from her, I didn’t even anticipate. I looked at her with my jaw hanging. Relief and some sort of emotion was raging in me right now.  I don’t know why I felt relieved, maybe it’s due to the fact that at least I don’t have to assume that she likes me, and it gave me some sort of security. The other feeling was the one I can’t really pinpoint, but what I knew was that it’s a good feeling. Too good to be true, actually.

All the things I said about what I felt was accurate, and now I think I must be staring too long with my jaw on the side walk because she said, “Don’t open it for too long, a bug might come in,” she joked as she used her forefinger to close my mouth. The moment that her fingers touched my skin, I became more aware of it. My sensitivity heightened and it felt like my face was flushing and overheating and it’s embarrassing like hell.

“You’re weird. You just met me yesterday, and now you are telling me you like me?” I tried to dismiss the idea, since, come on, let’s be real, it’s weird. It’s like I was being pranked right now and any moment, there’ll be someone to jump off to my face with a camera and say that it was all just a joke. A joke to which I’d gladly enjoy the luxury even if it was just that moment.

“Then I take it back,” she considered. “I am attracted to you, that’s for real.” She seemed nervous about her confession, and I don’t know why. I should be the one who was nervous, it’s not every day that people confessed to me.

I wetted my lips using my tongue and awkwardly said, “That’s nice of you to say.” I felt like an idiot saying ‘it’s nice of you’. God, I’m in a deep shit.

“Nice, huh,” she smirked at my answer. “You’re saying it as if this was the first time someone told you they are attracted to you.” Exactly what I was thinking. Who knew she was a mind reader, ha ha.

“It was the first time,” I confirmed, not bothering to explain what my high school experience was. I thought about some people at school who used to go with me, dropping little hints that they liked me, or so I thought, but never really said it verbally. And to think of it, it only consisted half of my senior year. The other half being me living in a cave.

She looked at me, shocked. “How’s that? You’re pretty, gorgeous, pretty gorgeous, beautiful, beautifully gorgeous, gorgeous—“

She has this way with words that even if it was dead obvious that she was just trying to win me over, it did not sound like she was desperate. If it was some other random guy, it would probably sound like something only under the effect of alcohol could be said, or someone trying to have a one night stand with someone they just met at the bar after a very bad day.

I stopped her before she could even continue the who-knows-how-long chain of adjectives. “Stop trying to say all the combination of those adjectives.” I was slightly self-conscious now that she’s complimenting me.