✔ ponder 「 khunbam 」

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“𝒴ℴ𝓊 𝒶𝓇ℯ 𝓃ℴ𝓉 𝓂ℯ𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝒻ℴ𝓇 𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓅𝒾𝓃ℯ𝓈𝓈, ℬ𝒶𝓂.”

He felt his heart hurt— as if being pierced by a thousand swarm of needles. He had always known that fact ever since he realized how left out he had been as he lived under that dark cave for countless years. Imprisoned outside civilization from who-knows-where without anyone except Rachel, whom he had always treated like a higher being.

What type of person would be condemned long before his birth?

Oh, that's right. Him. Bam, The Twenty-Fifth Night. Jue Viole Grace. Whoever he is at this point.

And yet, it hurt more when it came out from the person he considered more than just a family. From Rachel, who chose those unreachable cluster of light called stars —which might not even exist —instead of him, who had always chased after her trails.

“𝒴ℴ𝓊'𝓇ℯ 𝒶 𝓂ℴ𝓃𝓈𝓉ℯ𝓇. 𝒜 𝓅ℯ𝓇𝓈ℴ𝓃 𝓌𝒽ℴ'𝓁𝓁 ℴ𝓃𝓁𝓎 𝒸𝒶𝓊𝓈ℯ 𝒸𝒽𝒶ℴ𝓈 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒹ℯ𝓋ℴ𝓊𝓇 𝓉𝒽ℯ 𝓉ℴ𝓌ℯ𝓇.”

He could feel the coldness in her tone, and see it in her eyes which did not hold the usual kindness he liked seeing, nor the happiness whenever she spoke of her dream. It seems that she really only considered him an obligation, an inconvenience which his mother had left. A nuisance, and a set-back.

“𝒮ℴ 𝓌𝒽𝓎?! 𝒲𝒽𝓎 𝒾𝓈 𝒾𝓉 𝓈ℴ 𝓊𝓃𝒻𝒶𝒾𝓇?! 𝒜𝓁𝓁 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝒽𝒶𝓋ℯ 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝓂ℯ𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝒻ℴ𝓇 𝓂ℯ! 𝒴ℴ𝓊 𝒹ℴ𝓃'𝓉 𝒹ℯ𝓈ℯ𝓇𝓋ℯ 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝓉𝓎𝓅ℯ ℴ𝒻 𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓅𝒾𝓃ℯ𝓈𝓈!”

He knows he doesn't, but the truth still hurts.

ー・ー

“I'm sorry...”

Khun's senses had suddenly awoken, the sound of barely audible whispers emanated throughout the room from the now open balcony. The sound had almost blended along with the light whistle of the wind, if not for his sharp hearing.

Ever since he can remember,— probably in his mother's womb, he, along with thousands of children born of the renowned and complicated Khun family, had been trained to keep a part of his consciousness alert at all times, especially during the night where one is rendered vulnerable in every single aspect.

You'll never know who might take advantage of you in times of weakness, his mother said.

Cover your ears, close your heart, and find the best path, his mother said.

And yet, in every rule there is always that one inevitable exception.

Bam, his first and best friend, who was now missing from his usual place between himself and the now-reduced-to-midget-sized crocodile. If he had not heard those cries beforehand, he would have assumed that the brunet had once again ventured off somewhere for a God-forbidden purpose. And to be honest, the thought scared him more than he could imagine. The thought that someone held them against Bam to use him for their advantage. It's just so aggravating.

Khun slowly stood up, then slowly made his way towards the balcony where the sound became more vivid.

“I'm sorry for being the monster you gave birth to, Arlene...”