Stumbling Backward(JOOKYUN✔️)

steps

Changkyun is frozen; absolutely terrified as his breath pauses and his eyes snap open. He doesn't understand how this is happening- what is happening-

He opens his mouth to speak, breathing in Jooheon's last droplets of air, and is left with no room to speak. The blonde's mouth is stuck to his like Velcro, and he cannot escape it. But as Jooheon's hand lifts to touch the darker man's cheek, Changkyun can feel his body relax.

This is what people do, is it not? He has seen it in films, and television shows. When one person like another, they will kiss. This is normal. And Changkyun wants so badly to be normal. So he lets Jooheon kiss him with increasing passion, the dark man's shirt sticking to his chest as a fine sheen of sweat rises across his skin. His heart beat is chasing after air he still hasn't taken in, but he feels oddly comfortable in this awkward embrace.

Jooheon, hovering above Changkyun now with an arm to prop himself up, has absolutely no clue what he is doing right now. He hasn't kissed anyone since her- Not that he should be thinking about that in this moment. But as his chapped lips press deeper against Changkyun's, he can't help but let his rampant mind overflow with memories that feel so near to this one. Just as Changkyun's tense body finally seems to ease into a calmer state beneath him, Jooheon decides he should pull back. Too many things take shelter in the darkness at the backs of his eyes as he holds them closed, and he wants to instead look down at the beautiful man before him.

Changkyun is all flushed cheeks and wide eyes. His lips, parted and gasping for air, seem redder and thoroughly kissed. Jooheon feels his own face darken a shade as their eyes meet, embarrassed to have started and ended this moment so suddenly. "I'm sorry," Changkyun blurts into the space between them, his bated breathing blowing the words away a moment later.

Jooheon's eyes narrow as he pushes himself back up into a sitting position, dragging Changkyun up by the arm to keep them at eye level. "There you go again, apologizing for something you can't control. I did that, okay?"

The dark man, with pursed lips and straying eyes, only nods at Jooheon's words. His body rocks a bit from side to side, self-soothing Jooheon realizes. Biting at his lip, Jooheon understands that he may have just fucked something up. "I shouldn't have done that," he admits quietly, lifting a hand towards Changkyun's chin to force their eyes to meet. The younger twitches a bit away from Jooheon's hand, uncomfortable still in this surreal moment. This is supposed to be normal yet it is anything but for the young man.

Memories of her and who Jooheon had been with before this moment disperse as Changkyun draws his knees to his chest, hugging them in a child-like pose. He clears his throat a few times, his cheeks still a deep scarlet as if he were feverish. Jooheon can't think of anything but the fact that this poor man sat only a foot away is more broken than he believed before he tried anything. "I won't do that again," he tells Changkyun softly. His voice is as reassuring as he can make it, which isn't very with the quiver of his lip.

The darker man turns his gaze toward Jooheon at that, surprised to know that what is supposed to be normal, maybe isn't. "You didn't mean to do it?"

Shrugging, Jooheon mirrors Changkyun's position and closes himself off as best he can so he doesn't reach out towards the younger once more. He doesn't want to see the younger flinch again. "I meant it, but I shouldn't have done it." That doesn't make sense to Changkyun, and he wants to question it further, but Jooheon moves on quietly, eager to sweep it under the rug. "Why'd you flinch when I tried to touch you?"

Now it's Changkyun's turn to shrug, turning his face away again so he doesn't have to see Jooheon's prodding eyes. "Papa would always make me look at him when he talked. Sometimes he hurt me." Changkyun grabs at his chin, his words sparking memories of his father staring hard into his eyes, an emotion burning there that the man could never describe.