fine line

ten

"and in the middle of my chaos,

there was you."

It was a warm night. I remember that distinctly. Emma and I had had our first big fight. She had wanted to talk about what we would do when I went back to New York, and I didn't want to. There was a lot of yelling and I'm fairly certain most of the town heard us.

Eventually, we both gave up and went to bed. For the first time, we didn't cuddle. Emma rolled to the opposite side of the bed and fell asleep fairly soon. I lay awake and listened to the waves crash on the beach and her steady breathing. About 1 am, I got out of bed and found my guitar. I grabbed a sheet of paper and my phone and headed out to the porch.

And there I sat for two hours, just playing and scribbling down my thoughts. About 3:30, the words just began to flow and I found a melody that fit them. In less then an hour, I had finished writing the song and had recorded it on my phone. After I had finished, I just sat there and watched the sunrise.

At 7, Emma padded out onto the porch and sat down opposite me. We sat in silence and looked at each other for a bit.

"I wrote a song. It's the first I've written in about a year."

"Can I hear it?"

I nodded and picked up my guitar again.

(song in the description thingy above. I tried to add the lyrics, but Wattpad messed them up. Sorrrrry my dear imaginary readers. The song is "Meet Me In the Hallway" if you want the lyrics."

After I had finished playing the last chord, I looked up at her. She had a faint smile on her face.

"I'm sorry."

She looked down at her hands and looked meditative.

"It's okay." She didn't look at me. "I shouldn't have brought it up."

I put my guitar down and scooted my chair closer to her. I reached into her lap and pulled her clenched hands into mine.

"No, you were right and I was wrong. I just didn't want to ruin what we have."

She finally looked at me. "I'm not leaving Bali."

I nodded. "And when this year ends, I'm going back to New York."

She nodded. "But we have these months. And what we have is good."

"So, we should enjoy these few months together. And then after that?"

She shrugged. "Call it off. But I think we should stay friends. And whenever one of us is having a rough day, we can call and talk about it."

I nodded and smiled sadly at her.

She got out of her chair and tried to pull me up. "Come on, fatso. I'm hungry." 

I laughed and got up.

----------

Over the course of the next few weeks, Emma and I remained much the same as we had before we talked about what we would do after I left.

During this time, I send the song I had written to my producer in New York. He loved it and told me to keep writing. Emma also told me later that she liked it and told me to keep writing. 

"Preferably about me." She said with a sly wink.

I just laughed.

Ben chimed in at this point in his best impression of a fan girl,"OH MY GOD NOAH. You need to write a song about me too." He fluttered his eyelashes and both Emma and I laughed. She leaned back in her chair and I wrapped my arms around her and put my nose in her hair and inhaled. She smelled like summer, and I loved it.

-------

The nightmares I had been getting were slowly getting better, and I was back to more normal weight. I was getting better. I was sleeping at night, and the pain of losing Mom and Cassie, though it was still there, was lessened.

Our time in Bali was slowly ticking away, and I was determined to make the most of it. We spend most of our hours exploring the island and eating the delicious food. And in the evenings, Emma would haul out my guitar and tell me to play something for her.

One evening, I got this melody in my head. I put down my guitar and raced into our room to get a notepad and my phone. Emma just laughed at me. I started experimenting with the melody and I began scribbling down notes. 

This time, it took a little longer. It was 12:30 before I had finished. Emma had disappeared several hours ago to let me think. But now I ran into our room and brought her back.

I gave her the phone to record the song and she willingly agreed.

(song is above. And see previous statement about the lyrics.)

As soon as I was done, Emma stopped the video and then proceed to clap loudly. I laughed at her before explaining, "The lyrics aren't very profound or varied, but I think it's okay."

"Okay? Noah, I love it. And it makes sense because of all the stuff that happened in New York!"

I nodded. "So you think I should send it to my producer?"

She nodded. "Absolutely. I think he will love it." 

I chuckled. 

She hesitated before continuing, "I think that you should consider writing songs about Aria. I know it was a really painful breakup, and I think writing about would help you."

I had avoided this topic ever since I had told her about Aria, but I knew she was right.

"I know, I just keep putting it off." 

"Well, you can do that tomorrow. For now, come to bed. You, my dear musically talented fatso need sleep so you can write about your ex in the morning." She enthusiastically clapped her hands and I laughed at her.