Rhythm And Poetry

A rant

Ive been feeling lonely lately.
Been told too many times
That I have no reason to feel that way
"I'm here"
"You're loved"
"At least you're have me"
I don't got people to go to when I feel this way
Because it doesn't stop
I always feel this way
No one wants to hear
How sad I am
How lonely I feel on the inside
How heavy my heart is
How every time I smile I remember all the bad things in the world happening right now
How my head won't stop talking and hurling insults towards me

You'd think I'm used to it by now
But it still feels new
Sometimes I think I'm afraid to be happy.
Sometimes I think others are afraid that I'll be happy
Sometimes I have thoughts that would make my mom cry
Sometimes I have thoughts that make myself cry
But sometimes I don't want to think ever again

I don't want to be silent but being heard is so hard
It's hard when you're invisible
People don't notice when I walk into a room
They don't hear when I speak
It's like I'm a ghost in my own house
It's tiring
I just want to sleep forever and never have to think again
But that's not rational is it
It doesn't make it less tiring
Maybe it's time to go to bed
Maybe not forever
But for now