Dear Authors of "5am: the grandma hour",
My name is from matthew marrkum, i'm from big brundy dundus colorado and i'm writing to you as your biggest fan (slightly smaller than the costco fans, slightly larger than your average industrial fan). Your fanfiction has changed my life. You lead me out of a pretty dark place - my life hasn't been going too well in the past 3 weeks. I really just need an outlet right now, and i know that you guys care about me, I know you will listen.
My wife divorced me earlier this month. She said i "wasn't myself," that "we've talked about you selling tickle videos to people your age online." and that i can't "just shovel straight white sauce into my mouth hole all day long ." she just... doesn't UNDERSTAND me. She never will - I know you know what I'm talking about. She divorced me that day. The day after that I received a letter from her that our 11 year old child had fallen victim to a surprise adoption (taken by jeff bezos but that's a story for another time). I won't bother looking for him - i know he will never be found. 2 days later my mom died and I stubbed my big toe so hard on my chinese linen spread that all the other smaller toes made a loud "eeeee" and fell right off. I was in the hospital for 13 minutes before they kicked me out for the "misuse of services" because i "downed an entire IV bag'' and will probably suffer from "acute organ failure". When i returned home i realized my house had been ransacked by feral hogs and all my facebook friends had unfriended me. My maid paula called the following day telling me she was quitting, that she couldn't handle my "mildly racist and screamy attitudes."
I also have "skin cancer" now. What does that even mean.
But then i found your fic - 5am the grandma hour SAVED me. You picked up my life out of it's grubby dusty nest, brushed it off, and threw it out into the world. I am forever indebtbtbtebted to you. I am you NUMBER ONE FAN.
I love you with all my heart (or at least what hasn't been removed).
Matthew marrkum
YOU ARE READING
Our FAN MAIL!!!
FanfictionWE GOT FAN MAIL! So exciting, we love you all so much - thank you Matthew for your support! please never contact us again <3
