Honest Thoughts

"What Do You Want?"

When one faces a storm they want shelter and seek safety but what of one who confronts the storm and seeks to venture into its eye? Does that make them any less sane than the one who sees the storm ahead and turns the other way?

When does one know to seek love and one to love? My dear Fiore l only wish l knew the answers to the words floating through my head then as I know them to be you now. I watch you a year perhaps two, still very much oblivious to my heart's whispers. You turn towards me a smile gracing your face and as though the room had been filled with darkness l shyly smile underneath your gaze as a spotlight trails over me. Your smile, 'perfection' I had come to know its name as it brought me down to my knees willing me to praise your existence. I had fallen to the depths and bringing you closer to me simply placed a lid for me not to ever crawl out. But you didn't know it yet, you knew not what l longed for, what l craved, what I sought out and you knew not what l wanted.

What l wanted, seems I too had no response to a question that weighed heavy upon my being. I longed for you and I craved you but what then, did l want your affection or l just sought to quench the thirst l had for you and forever have you erased from thought. I knew but one thing, that l wanted to cherish you and care for you for in my eyes you were a delicate flower one that longed to be treasured and held close to heart. Still from afar my eyes lingered upon you your soft laughter and joyous smile, piercingly enchanting words floated towards me and yet in this moment l was lost within my thoughts with no recollection of the words you spoke to me. The moment consumed me and l became lost within your daring gaze. You looked towards me a certain curiosity perhaps a secret that lay only know to us veiled in the darkness of the striking silence that befell us.

Silence was my voice and the voice gave light to my affection that l failed to comprehend. Slowly I felt your patience dwindling laced in unbearable curiosity of what could be. You sought to unravel my desire perhaps you were overwhelmed by the same longing that riddled my mind. I found it peculiar though amusing how our very laughter came in sync yet our conversation were drowned in awkwardness. I was in love with you and you knew not of what this love could be. I sensed your fear, you were afraid of letting me in because perhaps it was just lust masked by confusion that l mistook for love.

A certain part of me wished to reassure you but l knew not the words as l was entranced by your presence. Every moment we spent conversing through the hours below winter's sky and perched upon concrete slabs. Each moment l knew the pain l would feel from the discomfort caused by the concrete but l ignored for you were worth it. Despite my lack of words l had a truth to share that l wished you to know. The truth of how l felt when we were together as time flew by and forever never felt enough because enough time was never enough and l remained longing you.

Enough, I asked myself whether l should simply be done with this charade and not toy with your heart but l knew there was a truth to how l felt. The desire, the longing; there was more to it an unexplainable need of you to treasure you and pleasure you whilst we leisured in each other's embrace. But l was haunted by my past and questioned whether the changes l made would be enough. I knew of how precious you are even as those who laid claim to you seemed to discard your value. If l had a moment to share my thoughts l only wished to enthral you with the promise of tomorrow. The world l could not give to you but a promise to give my all to you a gesture l had never made before was my truth. My world is war torn between the conflict l face within myself and the cold skeletons of those that l broke forever etched within l felt you deserved more. In this l came to thought and in these thoughts reminiscent of all that l was l found who l could be and it was a vision by which l am now bound, sung in willow melodies.

Honest was the voice laced deep within the thoughts of one longing to be heard. I stood over the shadow of my reflection let this voice consume and in that clarity came to be, how so could l be so blind? I need not giveth a thought but these thoughts be what ignite a flare upon my love, a love that you came to discover a love you fell deep within, a love that consumed you, Honest Thoughts. This is the reflection of my voice washed in purity fulfilled only by this ever lasting love a mortal heart sustains a story of my journey, a story to discover, a story that comprehends my love for you.