Kiss me, till I'm sober

03

Nagpaalam agad ako kay Kath na magpapahangin muna ako sa labas.

Ngayon, naglakad akong mag-isa sa dalampasigan habang iniisip ang mga nangyari kagabi. That kiss made me smile but when I remembered that he also pulled away from the kiss and told me it was wrong, hurts me.

I sounded and looked desperate at the same time. Paano ko na ihaharap ang sarili ko kay Raph ngayon, kung yun ang ginawa ko kagabi? Mabuti nalang at di siya pumunta sa room namin kanina. I sighed and sat on the sand, and threw a pebble at the sea.

I stared blankly at the vast sea. I was driven by alcohol that time, siguro naman valid ang reason ko kung ba't ko siya hinalikan at sinabi yung feelings ko sa kanya.

I always kept my feelings hidden from him, and as long as I can, I control myself not to do unecessary actions kasi alam kong masasaktan lang rin naman ako. I tried to be proper and acted like what a friend does.

I am not his type, and I know that. He is friends with almost everyone and does the same gesture to girls that he knows. So ba't ba ako nag-iisip na ako lang yung may special treatment sa kanya? Na ako lang at wala ng iba?

I covered my face with my both hands. Frustration filled my thoughts.

"Huy!"

"Ay, tao!" napatalon ako sa gulat nang may humawak sa balikat ko.

Natigilan ako. Oh no, its Raph. He's here. Okay, conceal, don't feel. Don't let it snow, Jas.

"Ba't parang nakakita ka ng multo diyan? Ako lang to, si Raph," taas-baba niya pa sa kilay niya.

"Kapal mo," irap ko tsaka siya tumawa at tumabi ng upo sakin.

"What are you doing here alone?"

"Contemplating."

"Contemplating what? Hmm...iniisip mo kung saan ka mag-ccollege noh?"

"No. It's about what happened last night."

Kumunot lang ang noo niya habang naghihintay sa susunod ko pang sasabihin.

Diyos ko po, ito na yun! Wala ng atrasan 'to. Huminga ako ng malalim at binaling ang tingin sa kanya.

"Did you—no, I mean, did you found me at the dancefloor nung umalis ako sa mini bar na yun?"

Napa-isip siya. "Nope. Actually a friend called us to go at the bonfire. You seemed to be occupied by drinking so naisip naming iwan ka na muna then when we came back, you're gone."

"But who—nevermind. Anyway, how did you guys find me? May iba bang nagdala sa'kin sa room?"

"I found you at the bench near the hotel. You are so wasted yesterday, so I carried you to the room and let Kath cleaned you up. Why, did something happened while we're gone?"

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Oh no. Then who was that guy I kissed yesterday? Nakakahiya. Napagkamalan ko siyang si Raph.

Kingina, nagmukha akong tanga sa harap ng lalakeng yun.

"Really? I—I thought, ikaw yung kasama ko that night," naguguluhan kong tugon.

"What do you mean?"

"I was so drunk yesterday nang may mapagkamalan akong ikaw yung lalaki kagabi. Kahawig mo siya, but I don't know, hilong-hilo na ako nun. I can't even think properly."