About Us (all of us #2)

T E N

J O S E L Y N

I never figure anything out. I don't know why I lied to Trenton like that, but it seemed like the right thing to say at the time.

It got him off my back for the time being, so that's good I guess.

Before he took me back home yesterday, and while I finished my chicken tenders, my brother lectured me on how I should come up with a plan for school. He pretty much told me the same thing Ms. Greenwood did. Except he said it wasn't a dead-stop, and not to take it like one.

I rolled my eyes, but when he stopped talking I hugged him. Ever since he had a baby, he hugs me longer and I've needed a long hug for a while now.

"She just want to smoke and fuck, I said 'Girl, that's all that we do'," Sierra sings with her eyes closed, swaying, seated Indian style on the couch.

My body feels warm and light. Good.

My head is empty. Stress free. Happy.

People look so weird when you stare at them upside down, I think as all the blood rushes to my head, making my face hot. I let my arms dangle off the edge of the couch and hit the ground, seconds before I slide down onto the carpet next to Manny with a giggle.

He smiles down at me before his lips press around a blunt and brings his fingertips to my jaw.

"Hey," he says, his hand traveling down my neck.

I'm faded, but not that out of it to let this go any further.

I sit up, resting my back to the coffee table.

After my brother beat him up when we were in high school, he's been a lot nicer to me. And by the following year, I was stupid enough to start talking to him again.

We messed around for a while—that is, until I got back into babysitting.

As long as I had Scott, I just didn't need anyone else. No one appealed to me.

"What's good then, Laguna?" He passes me the blunt and I take a hit, our eyes not breaking the strong hold they have on each other.

I shrug, blowing out a heap of smoke that gets a small cough out of me.

His hand rests on my bare knee and I follow it with my eyes.

"Come on, you know you've missed me, hm?" He tilts his head, licking his lips while rubbing my leg.

"I have a boyfriend."

He raises both hands as I take another puff. "Well, where's he at?"

I drop my eyes, handing him back the joint. "I don't know. Probably fucking his wife."

He snorts into a deep laugh, but quiets down when he sees I don't join in.

I look up at him, noting how hazy his eyes are and know mine are probably exactly like that. I've been here for hours, just hanging out and drinking and smoking and even sometimes sleeping and waking up to do it some more.

"You're serious?"

"Yep. He's married."

He huffs out a laugh, taking a long drag before smoke surrounds us. "Shit. Well that's not fair, is it?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, he's at home fucking his wife, and you're here, fucking no one."

I shrug. Yeah, it isn't fair. He said they didn't have sex anymore because of how distant they'd been, but I know he still does. They're married. They still sleep in the same bed. The bed I laid in with him a few nights ago.

You're wrong for that Joselyn. You're wrong.

But he's wrong too.

And even though that was true, that didn't make my being wrong any better. It just made us two bad people, being wrong together.

"Should I be fucking someone?" I challenge him, a slight tilt to my lips as he fists his beer bottle and drinks as much as he can in one gulp.

"I just want some head and a comfortable bed," Sierra belts out again.

"You could be." Manny shrugs. "That's all I'm saying."

"Is that an invitation or a suggestion?"

His eyes drop to my lips. "Depends on what you're in the mood for."

I never used to be like this. And I mean that in every way.

I am nothing like the girl I used to be.

I didn't do this. I never imagined smoking, and drinks weren't interesting enough for me to want to continue trying. But more than anything else, I wasn't so vengeful. Spiteful. Reckless.

I crawl onto Manny's lap and straddle him, our lips crashing into a kiss.

As he carried me off somewhere where we could be alone, our lips not breaking, I thought about Scott. The family photos littered throughout his home that haunted me every moment we were together.

When Manny set me down on his computer desk in just my panties, I thought about the promise he's kept to me for the past year. That his marriage was over. That it would be.

That divorce was in the air, but apparently just out of his grasp because he hadn't told her yet.

I gasp as Manny grips my thighs and pushes himself into me.

But Scott wasn't going to tell her. He's just stringing me along at this point.

Manny bites my lip, making solid thrust after thrust. My hands press back on the flat surface to keep myself upright. I can feel him, but I don't. The main sensation I'm feeling is the way my chest aches as I think everything through.

My mind is a thick haze with scrambled thoughts running wild in there.

But I do think the clearest when I'm high.

Scott won't tell her. And why?

Because it's easier to stay.