About Us (all of us #2)

N I N E T E E N

J O S E L Y N

That night was close.

Way too close. But I didn't care when it was happening. I was ready to let everyone know about us. It'd gone on long enough as a secret, it was becoming too exhausting to keep it one—at least for me.

Scott shouldn't have done that. He shouldn't have lied to them like that. So easily and so well that they bought it right when he said it.

His family trusted him, and he was taking advantage of that. He could make up anything and they'd all take it as fact because that's what kind of person they think he is. A good, honest man. What a father should be.

I guess no one's dad is all that. Mine left, but at least he wasn't a liar. At least he wasn't sleeping with one of my friends.

Incoming call... S

I groan, swiping my phone from my dresser and throwing it hard at the ground. For a second, I hope it'll break. I hope it'll shatter into a trillion little pieces because not having a phone is easier than ignoring his calls. But it doesn't.

It doesn't even open up to where the battery falls out like my old one used to.

He'd been calling me all afternoon. If I knew him at all, he were in office. His actual office downtown.

A year ago, I entertained these calls. I thought it was sweet of him to make the most of every free minute he had, spending them talking to me. But now I don't want to hear whatever he has to say. It's all lies. He's a compulsive liar and I can't play into them anymore.

On top of that, Marina's been texting me. Mostly about nothing, but mainly just spitballing possible plans to hang out some time soon.

I don't really want to hang out and I don't want to go back to that house. Not until my head is clear.

I shove hard at the tall, splintering wood with two hands. The gate won't budge more than an inch. I can hear the heavy padlock rattling on the other side.

Manny hadn't answered my texts and neither did Sierra, but they knew I was coming. I mean, she sent me a text about tonight.

Peeking through the hole in the wood, I can see the usual crowd lounging in the back yard. People I called friends, I guess. They don't know me more than what I like to drink. Manny knows me a little better, but he doesn't care if I show up or not. He never invites me unless there's some underlying ulterior motive.

But I find myself hiking up the fence anyway, just like I had a few times before. Except this time, while swinging my leg over, I feel a sharp sting that has me hissing in pain, eager to get the ground.

I land bent on the pavement with my knees, the motion sensor lights cutting on and letting me get a look at all the blood profusely running down my inner thigh.

"Ooh, shit!" Manny laughs, coming toward. "You fucked yourself up, bad."

Crimson droplets run and drip and fall onto my shoe, staining my white sock, some already coating the pavement without me even having noticed when it got there.

"Is she on her period or something?" One of the guys laughs. "That's sick, Joselyn. Take that shit somewhere else."

"I have a tampon!" Sierra chimes in, her speech more slurred than I'd ever heard it before. "If you need it...."

I blink away a tear, swiping at the blood as it oozes out of me, but only seeming to smear it around on my skin rather than sop it up. It hurts, a lot, and all they're doing is laughing, or just not paying attention at all.

I look up at Manny, his eyes are fixed on my wound, but unconcerned as he takes a big gulp from the tall clear bottle I'm sure they'd all been sharing the entire night.

Friends.

As I look around, I realize none of these people have earned the right to be referred to as friends.

The blood isn't stopping and now I just feel stupid. For coming here, for cutting myself—probably on a rusty nail sticking out of the wood.

Apply pressure, I think in Mom's voice, pressing down with two hands and wincing at how much worse that makes it feel.

I limp around the back of the house, side eyeing everyone who's already forgotten about me. I barely exist to these people, drunk or not.

I fling open the sliding glass and hurry through the house, probably leaving bloody footsteps in my path, but I don't care. Manny should've been helping me. He should've been getting ready to get me to the hospital. He should've done something.

He should've answered his phone earlier so I wouldn't have to hop the fence.

But maybe the real should've been is me having stayed home.

I sat on the sidewalk in front of the house, rocking back and forth as I finally allowed myself to cry. Half of it was from the pain, but most of it was embarrassment and regret. Most of it was thoughts about Scott and how stupid and small he made me feel. How strong my latch on him was and that although I am slipping through his grasp, I know he'll only do something to pull me back in even stronger.

I want him. I need him.

I need...someone.

My phone lights up, I've just missed another call from Scott.

Could I call him right now? At a time like this? Would he come down here and help me? Save me?

I doubt it.

He'd probably send me an Uber, coo at me on the other line and tell me he'd see me this weekend.

I want to call Trenton, but I also don't want to bother him. That's what I feel like these days. A bother. He finally has the family the two of us always wanted, and I don't want to take his focus away from that over my stupidity.

Then again, I also don't want to die out here in front of Manny's house.

All the bright red makes me feel dizzy, and the throbbing pain beneath my skin doesn't help. I blink slowly, my mind an ever-growing haze as I scroll through my contact list.

I need someone.

"Can you pick me up?..." I cry. "Don't tell my brother."