𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒;𝖺𝗀 𝗆𝖼𝖽𝖺𝗇𝗂𝖾𝗅

•5•

[8:30 PM]
Bailey,Mia and Ag were upstairs in her room laughing and having the time of their lives
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While I sat at the kitchen counter wondering if Jackson really hates me.. I sigh and changed into something comfortable in the guest bathroom downstairs
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^your comfortable outfit
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I go back into the kitchen and stare at my phone waiting for a call from Jackson
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I hear someone come downstairs I say "I'm fine".. But whoever it was continued to walk downstairs, I look up and it was Ag.. in grey sweats and a black nike sports bra
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Ag comes closer to me and say "then why do you keep staring at your phone waiting for a call from Jackson". I look her and say "no I'm not".
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She says "Come on Noelle you can talk to me.. I've might have been the girl that kissed you at red light and have feelings for you". I gulp air and say "you-you have feelings for me". She nods her and say "but that's not the point"
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I say "okay whatever I'm waiting for a call from Jackson so biggy". Ag sits beside me and say "he doesn't hate you.. he's just made the way you have been treating him".
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I say "but-but what if does hate me". I start to tear up.. Ag pulls me in for a hug and say "it's going to take a lot of hate someone like you"
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I break apart from the hug, wipe my tears and say "Thank you". Ag says "your welcome now come upstairs and have fun". I laugh and say "okay".
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I go upstairs with Ag and I could tell immediately Bailey was drunk.. I smile and say "you got my best friend drunk". Mia says "maybeee". Bailey says "Noelle.. I think I'm drunk".
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[NEXT DAY]
I make it back home.. and Jackson was in the living room watching Tv.. he looks at me and rolls his eyes.. I sigh and quietly go upstairs
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I take a shower and just find something to wear

^what you are wearing
I go downstairs and make a bagel.. it was silent mom and dad were gone for a morning breakfast alone.. and Jackson basically hated me
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I eat my bagel in peace.. Jackson walks to me and stares at me.. I don't say anything or I don't look back him.. he throws the remote at me and say "I HATE YOU.. YOU LITTLE PEICE OF SHIT". He goes into the game room
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After I left I immediately cried.. I bust into tears.. I run into the bathroom upstairs downstairs and lock the door.
⚠️⚠️WARNING MAY AFFECT YOU⚠️⚠️

I grab the razor blade that was in the bottom draw.. I roll up my sleeves and I push the razor blade on my skin.. as blood comes out of my body I cry
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I do it couple more times.. I hear a banging on the door it was Jackson he says "NOELLE.. are you in there.. I'm.. sorry". I immediately clean up the blood.. he says "Noelle I promise I won't hurt you I'm sorry". I say "uhm okay"
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Jackson says "you okay in there". I don't respond.. he busts through the door and sees my blood he says "WHAT THE FUCK.. are you okay?".
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I say "yeah-Yeah I'm fine".. he see the blood stains on my shirt he yells "LET ME SEE YOUR ARM". I say "what.. Why?". He grabs my arm and rolls up my sleeve and sees the cuts
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He says "Noelle... why are you doing this to yourself!?!". I say "I DON'T MAYBE BECAUSE IM A LITTLE PEICE OF SHIT", snatching my arm away from him.. to continue to clean the blood
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He leaves the bathroom... I hear Him calling a number.. I jump and run after him I say worried "what are you doing". He says "I'm telling mom and dad". I say "nO! You can't do that".
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Mom answers the phone and say "hi Jackson". I snatch the phone and say "uhm wrong number mom". He says "Noelle you need help.. I know you did this before".
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I say "okay so if I did..". He says "you can hurt yourself.. pass out from losing to much blood or even die". I sigh and say "okay I won't do it anymore". He says "you promise". I say "I promise"
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I grab band aids from moms bathroom counters and put them on my cuts
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It's was around 6pm when mom and dad made it back home.. mom yells "guys we got gifts"
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Jackson and I run downstairs.. my mom hands me bracelet and say "Try it on baby". Jackson looks at me.. I say "uhm mom". Jackson stops me and say "Noelle can't try it on..we're doing a bet to try not to wear uhm accessories for a week".
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I say "yeah what Jackson said". My mom and dad goes upstairs with gifts I say "thanks Jackson". Jackson says "I'm not going to cover your ass all the damn time... stop being a dick".
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I say "I ONLY CUT MYSELF CAUSE YOU WERE THE DICK JACKSON.. YOU SAID YOU HATE ME, YOU THREW A REMOTE AT ME AND YOU-YOU CALLED ME A LITTLE PEICE OF SHIT".
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My mom stares at me says "You cut yourself". I flips my hair frustrated I say "YEAH MOM I CUT MYSELF FOR THE FOURTH TIME".
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My mom says "well let me help you-.. it's going to be okay". I cry and say "Nothing about me will ever be OKAY!?! So stop saying everything will be okay". Jackson says "Noelle.. are you okay".
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I wipe my tears, wipe them on my pants and say "no but- the whole world doesn't need to know that". I go upstairs to my room..I lock my door and cry hard into my pillow
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[9:30 PM]
I changed out of my bloody clothes

^what you are wearing
I go downstairs and my mom looks at me worried.. I say nicely "I'm okay mom".
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She says "I know but I signed you for therapy sessions". I put on a fake smile and say "okay thanks". She says "so your not mad?"
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I say "no I'm not mad". I eat ice cream as she goes upstairs.. I say quietly to myself "I'm so fucked up.."

•SO UHM BASICALLY THIS EXPLAINS MY LIFEEE.. expect I don't cut myself or I don't take therapy sessions.. but I do Cry into my pillow every damn night so yeahhhh!•