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September 17th

Hello everyone! If you read my announcement a while ago you probably know who and what this will be about. I'm thinking of posting these kind of like chapters; the important days that made my day it ruined them and then to day by day. That sound alright? :)

Just letting you all know before you read this...

I don't want your pity. 

I don't want to hear "I'm so sorry" every fucking time I tell someone I have cancer. I get it, it's sad. But guess what? I don't give a flying sausage pancake how sad it is and how many sad faces you make in a text, tweet, whatever. This is life. It's hard. It's depressing. People, including me, just want to give up sometimes. But I refuse to do so. I am going through chemotherapy and getting better. I have surgery planned in December to remove what is left and chemo will be done in July. To those who are waiting patiently for new chapters of JL, I honestly can't thank you enough.

I feel so awkward saying thank you to my "fans" because my stories never really were recognized. I was just a side story next to those amazing ones. So to everyone who took time out of their day to even read the title of my story... Thank you so much. I love you.

Oh my god I could rant forever, but I won't. Sorry guys I know how much you love to hear me bitch about my life! Hahaha! :)

*ALSO THE DOCTORS' NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR PRIVACY*

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

September 17th. 

A Sunday, if memory serves.

I was only thirteen when my mom told me I had cancer. I had my whole life in front of me only to have it feel so much shorter.

My brother's soccer team had finally left the house after a few hours of sitting around the table and stuffing our faces with spaghetti and jumping on the trampoline. I had an enormous grin on my face; nothing made me happier than seeing my boys having a good time.

Which is probably how she planned it to be. 

Happy. For now.

Feeling as exhausted as someone who had worked their tail off today, I crawled up to my room and flopped down on my bed and closed my eyes, listening to the noise coming from downstairs, probably Nick.

My eyes slowly opened again when I heard someone coming upstairs. The floor creaked as my mother walked into my room, carrying with her a home phone and a deathly serious look.

"Hey," I said casually, watching her every move as she sat on my bed with me.

"Dani," she began. "Dr. Kove told me on Friday. So I should tell you now..." Her voice dragged by slowly causing me to worry.

I didn't say anything. I didn't know what was wrong or what was going on.

I guess I was too carefree to realise what was happening.

"They did some more tests and," she paused for a moment. "the lump came back cancerous..."

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh. My. God. This isn't supposed to happen. Eighth grade was supposed to be my best year. This can't happen to me. I'm too young!

Tears started streaming down my face as my mom pulled me into a hug. I couldn't believe it was happening to me. Me. Maybe I was destined to have a messed up life. Maybe God hated me. Maybe I wasn't supposed to happen so they're trying to kill me slowly.

It makes sense though. My older brother got all the talent; he was an astounding artist. My twin brother got all the brains. He was so smart, so impressive. He didn't deserve all the shit the kids at school give him. I deserve that. I wasn't as smart as him. I couldn't draw to save my life. I had no talent. The only thing God gave me was a magnet inside me that seemed to attract problems. I had glasses because of a lazy eye. I had toes that were placed at an un normal angle. Now I had cancer. Wonderful.

Drops of sorrow burned my eyes, blinding my vision as I buried my face in my mother's sweatshirt.

I hated my life at that moment. All I wanted to do was give up.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Okay I'm sorry..... I'll be honest I cried when I read this over again. It's just really hard for me. So, um, I'll post more of Sept. 17th some other day... If that's alright.

I really do love you guys <3