Dear Ava

Chapter 6

After knowing about the letters I was feeling a little lost. I didn't know what to do next. What is the next step that James and I should take? All this stuff made me so exhausted. My world had been turned upside down so suddenly that I couldn't predict what could happen next. Back a week ago, I had my routine, but now everything had been lost in the blink of an eye.

The nights were sleepless and the days were exhausting. I still laid on the bed, trying to catch up on whatever sleep I could get, but it didn't come to me. I was tired of just laying there, so I got up from the bed, heading to the kitchen counter to make my coffee. It would certainly wake me up, provide me the boost of energy that I needed.

I couldn't help but think about Mason. It would have been so good if he would have been here. Finding the will to get that coffee container from the cupboard was lost all of a sudden. How could I sit here and make coffee and drink it when whoever has done this is still out there. Mason must have been in so much pain, so much dread at that moment. Why wasn't I there to help him? Tears were forming in my eyes. The more I tried to find the will to stand up and work, the more drained I seemed to be feeling. I collapsed on the couch in the living room. 

Being happy, smiling, in the presence of others was easy. But right now, I couldn't smile. I couldn't cry, I couldn't feel anything. It was numb. There was a pain in my chest and I couldn't bear it. I felt like giving it up. The ring of my phone brought me out of my stupor. Liam's name flashed on my screen and I felt relieved for once. 

"Hey, Ava. I was thinking maybe you could come over, so we could talk," he spoke in a shaky voice.

"Yeah, Liam. I would love to. Right now I feel that I could talk to someone." It was easier to be strong for others than for ourselves.

"Perfect then. See you in half an hour." he hung up the phone.

"See ya" I kept the phone, sounding as okay as I could. Picking up my jacket, fixing my face in the mirror, I wore my shoes and headed out.

I was relieved that Liam offered me his company as I didn't know what I would do alone. When I entered Liam's home, he had two coffee mugs placed on the table in front of him, something I was very thankful for. 

"How are you holding up?" Liam asked me, he looked worn out, like he too had spent some sleepless nights. In the times that I knew him, he was a man of few words, but he was always considerate of everybody's feelings.

"I feel like my head is spinning. I can't focus on anything. I just sit and watch the wall without thinking about anything. Just sitting there waiting to sleep, but I can't even do that. You get me, Liam?" I poured my heart out. It was even better when there was someone else being strong for you.

"Yeah, I get you. Mason was the only one I had. When I was all alone, he was there to make my days feel better. How could I ever forget him?" his sentences had an effect on me I couldn't explain. I couldn't tell him about anything I had discovered. He was such a fragile person. I couldn't hurt him anymore. 

"Yes, you're right. But don't worry. I will be here to help you. I will be your friend."

"Thank you, Ava. I would appreciate it."

"Of course Liam. You're not alone. Don't ever forget that."

"I won't. But, Ava can I ask what happened with the letter?"

"The letter?" Did he know? I was confused. What was he saying about?

"Yeah, I saw you were holding one, at the funeral, and I was wondering what it said." I was quiet for a while. I had the letter with me at the funeral. It was the little bit of Mason and his beautiful words. But I didn't know many people noticed. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring back bad memories..." Liam apologized at my silence.

"It was just a goodbye letter from Mace..." I couldn't say anything more. 

"It was sweet of him," he commented, giving me a small smile.

"Yeah, it was."

After leaving Liam's house in the afternoon, I decided to visit James. I was feeling almost okay. Seeing Liam had helped my mood a little bit. It was necessary to read the letters to find the person.

"Hey James," I said as he opened the door to his apartment. He looked pensive as me. 

"Hey, Ava. So you're ready to read the letter?" he said with a small smile, almost like a reassurance.

"As ready as I'll ever be."