Married for almost two years has taught me so much about myself and the person I'm with. We've been together for almost seven years and we've seen each other grow into the person we are today.
Life takes a lot out of us and leaves us with mere moments of emotional experience which we are now left to figure out what to do with. Most of us don't know, so we falter at the seams of living in the moment, but the one percent educates themselves and grow together as a team.
Someone once said to me that the lifespan of a relationship is actually seven years and anytime after that, the couple must work even harder to keep their flame alive. I often listen to any mature advice and keep it with me as I observe my own life so that I can pass on the information once I found it true.
I never thought that I'd be going through this again, but God had other plans. I stay and fight for as long as I can, looking past the flaws and the sharp words thrown at me like daggers in the night. The assassin knows my every move and tries her best to draw blood.
My reaction time continued to be flawlessly synchronized with the daggers thrown, but then in the midst of uncertainty, a spear is thrown and impaled my stomach to the point of sticking me to the drywall of dispair.
Nothing could have prepared me for the death of my dreams and aspirations, especially not so soon. It was a moment that only could be enjoyed by the assassin herself.
As I was stopped in my tracks, I feared my pain was just beginning. For as I slumped over, still attached to the drywall of dispair I was struck again by another sharp object that started to burn my insides.
"Was it another spear or something else?" I questioned myself.
For as my eyes tried to make sense of the object, my blurred vision didn't allow me to be sure of it. All I knew was that pretty soon I'll be no more and my fairy tale was coming to an end quicker than I could have ever imagined.
The simple joys of living in love that I had experienced was almost over. Whoever this assassin was, knew my every move, she knew me better than myself. This was not my wife, this was a vindictive, selfish, and hurtful individual that wore the flesh of love as a trojan horse in my life for seven years.
I started to bleed out—stuck in despair, my joys, hope, aspirations, and willingness to fight to stay alive had all begun to leave my body. Just then as I was struck again by what felt like another spear, I shrieked in pain as I couldn't hold my own weight by means of my own two feet and I now relied on the spears to keep me upright.
There was no more hope in me and I just wanted to die. Leave this world having known what I thought love felt like was my only desire at this point, but the assassin wouldn't allow me to die in peace.
She injected a syringe of apologetic fluid into my system and once I was recuperating, she stuck a knife into my chest and wrung it around shouting more hurtful things at me wishing that I could just die where I lay.
My will to live outlasted my desire to die, so I remained in a state of depression as I was allowed to leave the wall of despair. Chunks of drywall stuck with me as I dragged my almost dead carcass across the room.
As I made it across I fell at the feet of the woman I fell in love with, but how can this be right. I forced myself to look up at her face and it looked just as it did the first day we met. She reached her hands out to me and I hesitated, but then she pleaded with me to forgive her ways for she would be better and I believed once again.
Once she brought me to my feet, she embraced me with tears of deceit and arms of a serpent which I didn't quite realize at the moment in time, so I allowed her to continue holding me.
Just as I assumed everything was okay again and she had actually changed, I was bitten by the serpent and deceived once again. This act of hatred brought me to my knees and I promised myself that I wouldn't trust her or anyone else again.
Several years of thinking we're actually going forward in life was just an optical illusion that revolved around the merry-go-round ride of a playground we called a relationship. Luckily we never had kids together or this ride would have been longer than the seven years we had known each other.
I guess I chose to use binders to only see what was in front of me instead of actually being able to establish a strong connection with what was actually going on. I burnt a few times before I learned my lesson and never wanted to go back, but to be honest I was going to continue the ride until better came along.
The honest to God truth is that I'm a person who can't stay alone for too long, especially when I was accustomed to being with someone for seven years. My plan was to stretch the relationship until I was sure that what I was getting would be genuine on all levels.
Thank God he heard my prayers and allowed an angel to enter my life at such a perfect moment in time. If she had entered earlier, I would have hurt her, since I was still in love with my assassin. The deep cuts suffered I would have eventually succumbed to it, but he knew my heart and the perfect timing to reveal you to me.
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Corrective Ink
عاطفيةLove is lovely, isn't it? But what happens when the magic disappears and the person you're married to has changed back to the pumpkin they were before? Do you stay single for a while or do you look for comfort in someone else? Do you go through a p...
