The Abandonment

The abandonment

Athazagoraphobia; The fear of being forgotten, ignored, or abandoned.
Of all the fears in the world, why does this exist within me?
Is it selfish that it is an enormous fear of mine? Why am I like this?
I desire the day people walk out of my life no longer devastating me. I have felt nothing but disappointment, anger, gloomy, and despair mostly in myself.
I believe in giving my all in any friendship or relationship. Somehow, someway I end up giving too much.
I see the blood on my hands from all the times I have reached into my chest, ripping a piece of my heart for those I care ever so deeply about. A quality I wish I could rip out of my soul, whisper "I don't need you anymore," pull the trigger, and never look back at all the times I gave pieces of myself in exchange for abandonment.
I attempt to grasp onto understanding why individuals walk out of my life. Do I get attached easily? Probably. If I am such a great, caring person, why does this happen?
Why do I let myself feel upset about being abandoned? Am I traumatized?
I don't understand how souls stroll the universe searching for the "perfect" people just for them to eventually leave. It doesn't add up. Souls grow and rot, change their needs and wants in life, find happiness or depression.
It's a war I feel I have been fighting for years just to get the same outcome; abandonment.
This soul is going to blossom into a strong woman who does not fear such a minor inconvenience.
She will strive to be strong, only for herself. She will stroll all the cities finding answers while creating new pieces of herself. She will be a caring soul that will not over give anymore.
She will be on fire. Those who dare to get close may burn, but I swear she is worth it.