TOBY'S POV
I grimace at the gentle grip Nita has on my legs. All I have on is a pair of underwear, and she in her underclothing as well. A warm blush heats my face. If one of her brothers were to come in I'd be murdered.
Her eyes are pleading, begging me to tell her why. We both promised each other a long time ago that we would stop hurting ourselves like this. Her legs are marred with little pink lines, but I don't see any other recent marks. I don't see any on her arms as well. It seems as if I am the weaker one; I definitely feel like it.
I run my hands through my hair, trying not to look her in the eye more than I have to. I can feel her worry, as well as half veiled anger. I'd be angry if she broke that promise. It makes me sick thinking about it.
"I know it was wrong," I say, and my voice sounds raw. She lays back on the bed, covering her eyes. I think she's crying until she pulls her hand away and makes me lay next to her.
Nita's body heat collides with my own and it feels like home. She's the greatest comfort in my life, besides Hazel. I don't know what I'd do without her. She nudges her hand against mine until we intertwine fingers.
She sighs, turning to me.
"You didn't expect me to come back, did you?" I can't look her in the eye. She'll know that's exactly what I'm thinking and then I'll be doomed. I can't see her dark, sad eyes.
She lets go of my hand. Her skin is prickled with goosebumps and I rub her arms, trying to get her warm. All the while she traces the cuts on my legs with such practiced, easy touch, that I shiver. Only she knows how to make me react this way.
"I'm not as good as you think I am," I say, trying to push away all of my fear. Instead of facing it, I let it hide until it crushes me from the inside out. It's not healthy, but it's all I can do right now.
She smacks my arm. "No one is a saint Toby. We've all done things that we regret." I snort and give in to her touch. I just sit there and let her fingers roam my body.
"What can I do to show you that you are worth everything and more?" She latches onto my body, giving me all of her warmth. Her hair tickles my face and I part it to the side. I kiss the side of her face and bury it in her neck. She still smells like cookie dough.
"Never let me go." She doesn't get up from her spot, clinging to me tighter. Her scars mingle with mine and at once we are a synchronization of pain. I can feel her beating heart against my skin and it murmurs all of the things that she had to go through alone while we were apart. I know, because I went through my own pain as well.
I never want to let her go. Doing it the first time almost crushed me. I can't keep thinking I'm wrong for her when maybe, we're both good for each other.
Her breathing is even and slow, and I take the time to pull the comforter over our shoulders. This warmth feels better than any summer day, any campfire. This is pure and simple, no other words to describe it.
"I love you," I whisper into the tresses of her dark hair. I twirl one ebony strand around my finger, watching it under the dim light of Nita's bedroom. She's too deep into sleep to know what I said, but that's okay. She already knows I love her. Always has, always will.
The cuts on my legs burn with shame. To be honest, I forgot they were there. It's a dull pain that coincides with all of the other ones. I pay no attention to how much it can hurt me. I never think about how much it can hurt others.
My lids are heavy and the warmth of our bodies crashes together. The sound of Nita's heavy breathing lulls me and for a moment, I sit still and let it in. The tiredness of the last few weeks finally sets in and I fall asleep with her, my arms wrapped around her sides.
YOU ARE READING
A Sun Full of Marigold
Romance*Book 1: A Sky Full of Blue* *Book 2* Toby Hudson is outgoing, charismatic, and wants nothing more than to be with his little sister Hazel, who has Asperger's. Toby has one problem; he's being shipped off to college in the fall. Although Toby wan...
