You don't know how long I've been missing my writing until this moment. College, becoming an adult, and preparing for the real world are stressful things. At least I know I can come back to my writing at difficult times like these and count on readers like you to keep me going. Thank you to everyone for the endless support while I've been away and all of the positivity on the A Sky Full of Blue series so far! Like and comment as much as your hearts desire. I love hearing what you guys have to say; it makes my day. Anyway, onward! (By the way, I'm sorry that the chapter took so long to make and it's so short. College is really stressful.)
I wake up with darkness cloaking me. The warmth from both Nita and I is almost overwhelming, the weight of it wrapping around us like a blanket. I can feel her slow, steady breathing against my arm. I lay there, not daring to wake her up; not daring to let her leave me just yet. These few moments of peace are all I need right now. All I need is her warmth, her as close as she can get to me.
She mumbles in her sleep and turns over, letting her arm drape through my hair. I lean into the touch as much as I can, loving the way her fingers feel against my scalp. It's calming, grounding, to finally have her in my arms again, but I don't know how long it will last. I don't know how much time I have left with her.
We may just end up breaking each other apart.
I kiss her forehead, letting my lips rest for a few seconds. I close my eyes, feeling all of the sadness and frustration that's been building for the last few months , and start to cry. I'm silent, as I sit there with Nita in my arms, trying to let her stay asleep for as long as she can.
It's all been too much for me to handle on my own, and that's exactly what I've been doing. Instead of letting others share my burden I've decided to shoulder it all on my own. No wonder I've been falling apart; I'm a bubble of all of these emotions and I don't ever let them out. All anyone ever sees is the charismatic, slightly sarcastic version of me. I never let the sadness dribble through the cracks any more than it has to.
Until Nita.
As the tears stream down my face I listen to the silence around me and hold Nita tighter. I let go of everything that I've been holding in, breaking apart entirely. I doubt myself for all of things that I've done, all of the stupid actions that I've made while depressed. I don't want anyone to know about it, but maybe I'll have to let someone in. Nita, perhaps, but she'll leave me again if she finds out. The thought sends a wave of nausea cascading into my stomach, my tongue suddenly becoming heavy with bile.
The tears flow heavier, and it's hard to keep the sobs in, to keep myself away from Nita. There's a cacophony of sound reverberating in my skull, screaming at me to hide, to hurt myself, to make myself pay for letting everything out. It's too much all at once.
So I untangle Nita's limbs from my waist and hair, kiss her forehead, and then leave the room. In the hallway, with the blinding light, I hope no one can see the tears staining my face and the ones that are threatening to fall. I let out a shuddering breath, making my way to the living room. Everyone should be asleep right now, but the huddled shape on the couch makes me freeze on the steps.
Theo, like the respectful bastard that he is, is sleeping on the couch, blanket over half of his head. I'm surprised that Hazel hasn't come to join him yet.
He shifts, raising his arms over his head in a broad, sleepy yawn. I do the best that I can to pass him while he's drowsy, wiping away my tears as best as I can, but Theo's got a keen eye. He knows when someone is trying to fake what they're really feeling; he should know, he's done it for years.
His tired smile makes me scowl. It takes everything in me to keep my tears at bay, to swallow the sobs building in my throat. I never asked to be this broken; no one does. I don't know how people can survive this day by day, keeping themselves satisfied with the way they live. I've tried, and it's one of the hardest things I've ever done.
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A Sun Full of Marigold
Romansa*Book 1: A Sky Full of Blue* *Book 2* Toby Hudson is outgoing, charismatic, and wants nothing more than to be with his little sister Hazel, who has Asperger's. Toby has one problem; he's being shipped off to college in the fall. Although Toby wan...
