Hurricane Love

Thirty Four

I shoved open my front door and stormed into my house as I sobbed loudly, slamming the door behind me.

'Ughhh!' I screamed, uncontrollably, punching the wall as I entered and continued to wail excessively as I stumbled to the kitchen.

'What on earth?' I heard Christine's worried voice from the kitchen and then she appeared in the doorway, gasping upon seeing me. 'Amelia, what's happened?'

Abbie appeared behind her and instantly rushed towards me, putting her arm around my shoulder as she guided me into the kitchen and sat me down at the breakfast bar. I could feel my chest tightening as I began to pant heavily, gripping onto the edge of the counter as I felt myself struggling to find the air I needed after I'd ran home, crying my eyes out.

'You need to breathe!' Abbie cried.

'Amelia, please try and calm down,' Christine said. I could tell by her voice that she was panicking herself.

'Just distract your mind like you always do and try to take steady breaths,' Abbie said, rubbing my back.

'I can't!' I screeched.

'Amelia, you're scaring me,' Christine said. 'I've never seen her this bad before.'

'She's okay,' Abbie said. 'You're okay, you just need to stop crying and focus on your breathing. Come on, Amelia!'

I obeyed and hushed my sobs, still hyperventilating as I clutched onto Abbie's hand and tried to think about something else. It was completely impossible to distract myself and the more I tried to, the more I felt like I couldn't find any air and the more I convinced myself that I really was going to die this time. It's never easy to tell yourself it's just a panic attack whilst you're in the middle of one.

'Here!' Christine said, shoving a paper bag into my hand.

I placed it over my mouth and panted in and out of it, feeling like I was gasping for air for such a long time and still convincing myself I was going to die. Eventually, I noticed that my breathing slowed a little, and I focused on this as I forced myself to inhale a large gulp of air and let it out as slowly as possible. This finally became easier and my body stopped shaking as I continued to slowly breathe in and out of the bag, before I pulled it away from my face and steadied my breathing on my own.

'There you are,' Abbie whispered, brushing my hair out of my face. 'You had us so scared there.'

'Abbie,' I murmured, my voice shaking as I tried not to cry again. 'I just can't believe it.'

'Can't believe what?' Christine asked. 'What's happened?'

'It was so awful,' I squeaked, my voice high-pitched as I felt my body willing me to break down again.

'Abbie, you said she'd just nipped out to talk to Ryker,' Christine said. 'Why does she look like she's just been attacked or something?'

'I don't know,' Abbie replied, her voice full of worry. 'Amelia, can you tell us what happened?'

'He said...' I tried to speak, squeezing my eyes shut as I remembered his words. 'I can't even say it.'

'You don't have to,' Abbie sighed. 'You don't have to tell us if you can't.'

'You'd better tell me right now,' Christine said. 'Whatever he has said has just caused the most severe panic attack I've ever witnessed from you and that boy has fucked with you for the last time so tell me or I will march right down to his door and demand he tell me himself.'

'Shut up!' I cried, shaking my head at her.

'Look at you!' Christine bellowed. 'Look at what he's done to you! You weren't eating or sleeping yesterday, the next thing you're happy again and now back to this; he's not good for you!'