ᴛᴇʟʟ ᴀ ʟɪᴇ's ᴀɴᴅ ғᴀᴋᴇ ᴛʜᴏsᴇ sᴍɪʟᴇ's

Prologue

I'm not okay, anxiety is attacking me. If overthinking as a drug, I'd be high as fuck. I want to cry but no tears came out, so I just stare blanky into space while my heart break into pieces.

Gusto ko ilabas lahat ng hinanakit at rant ko, gusto ko may makakausap but where are they? Feeling ko lahat ayaw saken.. Feeling ko lahat iniwan ako. Ito na ba yung karma ko? Para parusahan ako ng ganito?

Tumayo ako saka kumatok sa pintuan ni kareena

"What is it bish?" I just shook my head. I want to open on her but I'm shy.

"Nothing ." bumalik ako sa inuupuan ko kanina then stare blanky again like a shit.

"I knew you, Jazmine Faye Wieland. Is there any problem? Tell me. I am your Best friend I'm willing to hear your rant or problems." Hindi ko naramdaman nandyan na pala siya sa tabi sa sobrang occupied ng utak ko.

Sandali pa akong napabubtong hininga bago mag salitang
"Reena, bakit iniiwan nila ako lahat? Am I not enough?
Bakit kaylangan pati yung taong nag iisang tinuring kong karamay ko iniwan din ako?"
"Anyway, who the fuck want to stay my fucking attitude? I am rude, cold and I always show that I doesn't give a damn." Dagdag ko pa..
she combed my messy hair.

"But Faye, I'm here I won't leave you. It's funny you see the existence of the other people but I am always here for you but invisible in your eyes," she said.

Hndi ko alam kung bakit parang nabuhusan ako ng malamig tubig ng marinig ko ang mga salitang lumabas sa bibig ni kareena. At biglang nag flashback sakin ang lahat ng panahon na nasa tabi ko sya tuwing umiiyak at may problema ako.. tuwing nag iisa ako lagi nya akong sinasamahan. Until he came to my life mas nawalan ako ng oras at atensyon para Kay kareena.. iniisip ko nalang  that time na sino ba sya para pag aksayahan sya ng oras e wala lang naman sya sakin... pero sa kabila non hndi sya nawala sa tabi ko tuwing may problema ako. All this time lagi Kong iniisip na walang nanjan para sakin..na walang may gustong mapalapit sakin dahil sa ugali ko..dahil pati parents ko pinagtatabuyan nadin ako... and i think yes tama si kareena sa sinabi nya na "It's funny that i see the existence of the other people but she always here for me but invisible in my eyes,"
para akong natigilan ng mga Sandaling iyon at hindi makapagsalita dahil parang may bara sa aking lalamunan..medyo matagal ako bago makapagsalita dahil sa tensyon sa paligid kaya tumikhim muna ako bago mag salita

"Kaso nahihiya ako mag-open sa'yo. You're too kind to me!. Sabi mo it's because of I'm your best friend but little you didn't know that you lost your happiness dahil sakin..maraming ibang girls Jan na mabait at mas karapat dapat mong maging kaybigan kaysa sakin.. Kaya Hindi ko alam kung makapag-open pa ako sa'yo..sa kabila ng pagiging bad ass ko sayo."

"I am your best friend, I can be also you're sister pero sana alamin mo limitations mo.
And about your bad side?
I don't care kahit na iba pa yung treatment mo sakin..best friend kita eh Kaya kahit ano kapa tanggap kita and yes Everyone will leave you but not me, bish..even though na nasasaktan mo na ako dahil sa pagiging bitch mo, I won't give up on you
"she smiled."

"Faye, don't let anyone break your heart and comeback like everything is okay." Dagdag pa nya.. "You are not to be used whenever it's convenient. Know your worth. It's okay to feel sad after making the right decision."
damn, that's hit me so hard.