Kidnapped

There's Change In Hope

We continued to talk and I think my brothers was so mad about the situation. My brothers always been protective of me because I am the youngest of 4 boys. The next day was Sunday and I got up to get ready for church but I was exhausted. I had nightmares all night of what happened to me. I didn't want to go to church because I didn't want to put on a fake smile for anyone.

I wasn't going to fake anything because I was so hurt. We had a good service though and at the end of service my parents (who are the pastors of my church) announced that I was kidnapped and stated to the church to please don't go asking me questions about what happened. So right after church there was one adult that came to me and started asking questions on what happened and I'm like really dude, so I walked away because they clearly said don't ask me anything. So many people came hugging me and a few people even cried with me. I felt a relief but i was still scared.

We left church and got something to eat as a family and my parents asked me did anyone say something to me and I told them yes. While we were in the car I said "I love y'all so much and thanks for being my parents" and they responded "we love you too and we wish we would have known earlier".

Monday came and I didn't go to school, I asked my parents could I stay home because I'm was so overwhelmed with everything and they let me. I was stressed out and I didn't know how to feel. Went to the kitchen to get a knife cause at this point I wanted to die. I wanted to end my life because my heart was torn and it felt like it was ripped from my chest. I felt numb to my feelings even though I still cried like a fool. "Should I kill myself and end my life?" I asked myself, " or should I try to deal with it?"

(NOW THIS IS WHERE IT GETS CRAZY)

I started to cut the top of my arms so that the pain will go somewhere else instead of my heart. I bled out, "what the heck Are you thinking dude" I said to myself. I am so depressed I don't know what to do and I'm so scared to deal with this alone.

This event had did so much damage to me that I couldn't control my feelings. I know my family is there for me and I know I have God but I feel like I can't handle this. I want to kill myself and I hate myself for my decision that night. I hate the fact that I got hungry and wanted to get something to eat that late. I started to regret living and regretted my being because I felt unworthy.

So throughout this week I began to tell people about me being kidnap thinking that was going to help me out but Instead it made me more angry. I never blamed God because It was not his fault, the thing is that we tend to blame God for stuff that we did ourselves.

LETS BREAK AWAY FROM THE STORY REAL QUICK!!!!

God will allow us to go through things because he knows that we have the strength to go through it. He knows that if I give you this battle I know that you will be able to handle it. Our testimonies are not for us, it's for the hundreds and the thousands of people that need to hear what you went through.

It's for everybody that you thought was good but behind closed doors they were hurting as well. I want to encourage you to tell your testimony, you don't have to be afraid. It took me years to be able to tell the world what I went through on this night. I would not wish that on anyone, not even my worse enemy. It's a reason why I live for God the way that I do, I take my relationship with him serious. I'm not perfect, I mess up sometimes, I get upset and angry about things but I strive to make it right.

If I could go back to this day I wouldn't change anything because I know that this will help someone that needs to hear this. God is a protector and this could have been even more worse than what it was. Lock your doors, watch your surroundings, don't go out late unless it's a need. The devil don't care and the people who live for him don't either, this world is evil and we need to do our best with making sure that we are safe.

OK BACK TO THE STORY

I tried my best to overcome this hurt in this week of time but every time I pass by that gas station I get weak. I began to have flashbacks of what happened and it's like the pain started to get worse. I am tired of crying, I'm tired of being right here. I want out, just kill me already, I told myself. Ending my life wouldn't do anything but cause more hurt to my family.

I couldn't get through the day without contemplating on killing myself. The devil was in my head so much that it seemed to become the norm for me. I became more angry that I started to hate myself and everything about me. I began to feel worthless like why did God spare my life. My mother kept asking me why I didn't tell them and I couldn't say anything but I didn't want you guys to be hurt like I was.

I'm your child and I know that y'all would do anything to keep me safe. I felt like I failed my parents because I'm sure they felt like they failed me because they couldn't be there with me when all of this was happening. I love my parents and it came to the point where I couldn't do anything but stay to myself completely.

My mind was gone and there was nothing that I could do. Another week went by and I got the courage to record my song "Touch" at my God brother house and it was so hard for me to record it. I needed all the strength just to sing my favorite part of the song "I OPEN UP MY HEART TO YOU LORD". Powerful song✊🏾. The recording finished but I never released it until a year later. I've always wrote music but I was never the type of person to actually become an artist. This actually motivated me to become a singer and slightly after this I began to record more songs.

I was headed home from school on that Friday and I stopped at the light and next to me I saw a familiar face that I saw during the drug deal. He had on a red bandanna, a black shirt, and black pants. He looked at me and I turned my head quickly and I think he noticed me so I turned because I started to panic all over again. "OMG I think he's going to kill me?" I said to myself, I couldn't do anything but shake. I was terrified that I was about to experience this all over again. I was confused so what I did was sped off quickly.

Why do I have to be afraid to go anywhere, why do I have to look in fear all day, I asked myself. I'm beyond tired of this and I don't want to live like this anymore. God please make this better. I finally got home, went to my room, opened my Bible, and cried out to God. There was this scripture that touch me like never before:

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭11:28-30‬ ‭KJV‬‬

This scripture gave me life! If I give God myself and my problems he will give me rest. I can lay my burdens and my problems at the altar and he will give me a reason to be ok. I felt the need to give God the praise for this!