Stuff

I wont Cry.

I'm still feeling the loneliness of the day. Still everyday I wake up to feeling the emptiness of my queen size bed.  I really want someone to be with me. Why am I so lonely? Is god punishing me by making sure I stay lonely for the rest of my life? Or am I just being dramatic? 17 years in to long for me to be lonely. 

I have this weird urge to flirt with someone, but I made up my mind that I will only flirt with the girl I have the hots for, because being a flirt can break the other person heart if you are mindlessly flirting.  Like me I was on the other end of the mindlessly flirting, and look and me now.  Heart Broken and Lonely. Ill only flirt with another person for fun if we both understand nothing is gonna come out of this mindlessly flirting, because sometimes you need someone to flirt with.  For me I guess its kinda like a drug in a way, and flirting is my fix until I can fine that one who I can flirt with anytime I want.  

Recently I've made some new friend, and I've never been happier.  I dont know if they feel the same way as me, but I consider these new friends my favorite, because I can be truly happy with them, they dont make me feel lonely you know.  They are all flirty asf, and its quite fun to talk to them.  Here at home though, I cant find anyone like them, these few are one in a million kinds of people. Sometimes I wonder how they would act in person, would they make me feel happy if I met them in person, or is it just an online thing.

Today I teared up a but, when I woke up. Recently I've had the best dreams in the world, and my most recent was the best...It was like a picture of me proposing to a girl, and us passionately kissing, but When I woke up, it was just me and my lonely self again.  Life is sad, sad. Single for live. Never kissed a girl, never felt the embrace of a significant other.  Just me. I feel pathetic.

Am I pathetic?