Sort Me Out :: Ksimon

Part 6: You & Me

Simon POV

When I woke up everything felt off, like I woke from a strange long dream, and it was hard for me to figure out what was real and not. Even when my eyes blinked open to see Craig there laying next to me, facing me, though his face was mostly covered by the sheets. His slow breathing mixed well with the soft air of the foreign room. A lot of this still didn't feel real, JJ, and LA and kissing Craig. Or maybe I was just trying to think it was not real since I didn't want to face any of it yet. How could I? What would I say to Craig? How do I talk to JJ after abandoning him, probably worrying him. Unless he went home with that... woman.

I rub my hand over my face and roll closer to Craig, I needed some kind of anchor, since the only person who could ever fix me up, was now miles away. Probably in the bed of someone else, and my head now was pounding, my limbs felling heavy. My eyes prickling with tears, but crying was useless. I couldn't stop it though. I never could, that's why I needed JJ. He made me better, or did I just depend on him too much? Maybe everyone was right. No, fuck them. They had no idea what we've been through, I loved JJ, I have for years before now. I wouldn't change a second of it for anyone, and I was not about to go away. 

Though who was to say JJ wasn't going to make me leave after everything. What if he just didn't think we were worth it, then just kicked me out. We wouldn't see each other much, maybe on Sundays until I broke and I couldn't make it anymore. No, that wouldn't happen, right?

"You think too loud..." Craig grumbles, and reaches over to touch the side of my face. Which makes me aware of the fact that I had closed my eyes, my cheeks wet. 

I sniff, blinking my eyes open. Through blurry vision I meet Craig's gaze. His eyes are tired, barely open, and I wonder how much of me he could see. Hopefully not a lot, I must look like shit right now. My face red, my hair a mess, the bags under my eyes must look ridiculous.

"I'm sorry..." I mutter back, pressing my face into the pillow. Feeling his fingers stroking over my cheek still, either to soothe me or just wipe away the tears there. Either way it felt nice to be touched so softly.

"Don't be sorry, talk to me." He offers, rolling onto his side further, using his free hand to rub over his own eyes. Trying to rid himself of sleep, I assume.

"I don't..." I start, then stop. Looking between us, down at the wrinkled duvet. My eyes basically wanting to look everywhere, anywhere but Craig. 

"... maybe, I shouldn't have left him like that." I finally get out, my deep voice low and wreaked. His hand on my face suddenly feels uncomfortable, mostly because I worried he might be offended, thinking I didn't want to be here with him.

"S'this about the kiss?" Craig questions, his tone is steady. His fingers now running through my hair, making my eyes look back at him finally. His features are soft, and not quite as annoyed or sad as I thought they might be. 

"Because I get it, I get why you did it. S'alright, Simon." He hums, causing me to let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. The nervous bundle in my stomach moving around, but loosening up just a little when he says that.

"You're really not... mad?" I question in a hush, my lips parting as I looked to him with wide eyes. Just waiting for him to blow up on me, it wouldn't be the first time someone was pissed with me kissing them.

I had tired a few times with other people, trying to find someone to replace JJ. Thinking that would some how solve my feelings for him, if I could just find someone else to make the bad days good again, then we could just be us. I wouldn't have to force him into anything, even if he never seemed forced. I just know he probably didn't want to deal with me all the time, especially when we were young. With that aside, trying to find someone usually ended up with me in bed with someone I actually didn't like or with someone freaking out on me. One time one of the guys who is an ex-friend now, nearly beat the shit out of me. If it weren't for his roommate getting me out of there. Then I had just ended up falling into JJ's bed when I got home, a sobbing mess. So it was safe to say, that plan never really went well, but I did try, I did.