iDon'tHateYou

iHaveMyFirstKiss

Carly, Sam, and Freddie were in the iCarly studio. Freddie had a bat to keep himself from being tackled by Sam.

"So, who was yours?" Sam asked Carly.

"Who was my what?" Carly asked.

"Your first kiss," Sam responded.

"Sam," Carly said.

"Come on," said Sam. "We're all friends here. Well, two friends and a co-worker. Who was your first kiss?"

"Okay," Carly said. "It was Ben Hoobsher."

"Nobody's last name is Hoobsher," Freddie said.

"Yes, it is," Carly argued. "He kissed me under a kumquat tree and his lips tasted like potato salad."

"Was it good?" Sam asked.

"Hmm, just an average little kiss," Carly responded.

"No, the potato salad," Sam said.

 "Oh, yeah," Carly said, remembering her best friend's love of food. "Really good."

"Nice," Sam answered. "My first kiss was with Buddy Hinten at a Cuddlefish concert in a porta-potty."

"Hmm, so romantic," Freddie said sarcastically.

"Whatever," Sam said. "All I know is, now, I can't stop thinking about potato salad. Does that little market across the street stay open late?"

Carly responded, "Yeah, 'till 10."

"Does that skeevy guy still hang around out front?" Sam asked.

Carly responded again, "Yeah." 

Sam picked up Freddie's bat and said, "I'll be back," and she left the room.

Carly asked Freddie, "So, who was your first kiss?"

"You don't need to know," Freddie said.

"I absolutely need to know," said Carly.

"Okay," responded Freddie.

"Then just tell me her first name," Carly decided.

Freddie was trying to stall. "Oh, is that a new ceiling?"

"Who was your first kiss," asked Carly, getting impatient.

Freddie finally said the truth, "I haven't had my first kiss."

"Oh, shut up," Carly said because she didn't believe him.

"I've never kissed anyone," Freddie argued.

"But," Carly said. "What about that rotten girl you dated last year... Valerie? You kissed her, right?

Freddie answered, "No... Well, for like half a second at school with a bunch of other kids hanging around. But, no, I've never had a real kiss."

"Oh," Carly said, disappointed. "Well, I think it's kind of sweet that you haven't kissed anyone yet."

"It's not sweet." Freddie said, "It's lame. You've got to swear you won't tell anyone - especially Sam."

Little did they know that Sam came back to the iCarly studio to get money from other people. She heard their entire conversation!

***

iCarly was showing a preview of the worst movie ever, called Kelly Cooper. When they were done, they wrapped up the show but Sam had something to say.

"You all know our technical producer, Freddie," Sam said. "Show yourself to the people, Freddie."

"Hello," Freddie said to their virtual audience.