Life or Death

Gabe

I knew that Ashton was struggling, but I guess I never knew that she would want to take it this far. I had been summoned to her when she was fiddling with the rope in her room. I didn't approach her; I just stood and watched as she stared at it. Her cheeks and shirt were soaked with tears as she scoured the room for a pen. When she finally found one under a thrift store t-shirt, she sat back down on her bed and began writing. I went to read what she was writing, and it crushed me. She was saying that she was a mistake and a freak. She said that she didn't blame her mother for abusing her because she had deserved it. She also addressed her father's alcohol addiction and used some harsh words that I'd rather not repeat.

It made me want to weep until I filled a swimming pool with tears. I knew that she was bullied a lot in school but I thought that she was tough enough to handle it. I knew I should've stepped in sooner. But there was still a chance. There was still time for her to back out. But I knew she wouldn't. She just wouldn't. I knew that she would go through with it. But I still had a sliver of hope.

There was one split second where she questioned it, but she shoved the idea away before she could second guess herself. I let her stand there, with the rope around her neck, willing her to stop. But silent begging never worked with her. I had tried to override her conscience before, when she was cutting. It never worked. Not even once. Her arms and legs were scarred and bruised. It was humiliating for me to look at; a reminder that I didn't do what I should have. But I was scared to confront her. Would she reason with me? Or would I be replaced by another guardian angel, that would actually do their job? Now, Standing before me was the product of my fear and her pain. Her whole body knew what a blade felt like. Every part of her had felt her suffering. And now she was taking her last breaths. Because I was to weak. To weak to stop her. To weak to defend her. To weak to even try to help her.

But that ends now.