Where there is wind, the trees sway.

Chat Replay

Abir

The last time I had texted Vikram was almost a week ago to congratulate him on his wedding and he had only checked his messages very recently.

'Long time, no see man. Let's hang out sometime'. He'd typed with a beer icon.

He was married now. I couldn't expect him to be around all the times, but he's one of the only friends who I'd got there. My phone pinged again.

'I missed messing around with Dilip for a whole week'. I laughed.

'He missed you too.' I typed.

He responded with a laughing emoji.

Though I was happy to talk to Vikram again, my mind was elsewhere.

I replied put my phone down and started to slowly, yet absently reading a book.

"Ss", I drew my hand back abruptly, the tip of my ring finger was oozing blood. A paper cut. I stared at my finger, thinking of something else completely.

I couldn't concentrate on my lessons. I kept replaying the evening with her wondering, what wrong I'd done.

I stared at the message I had received in another chat.

I wondered why she had left so abruptly. I didn't go after her. I didn't know why maybe she needed to be alone for a while. The guy I'd met, she'd called him, Sahil or something.

It must be Ramesh, no, definitely not, I thought. I decided to call him Sahil for a while.

He was wearing a tux, looked all posh. Maybe he was with Akansha some time ago. I didn't know why I was feeling a bit mad then. He was her ex, her past, it shouldn't bother me. Maybe I was bothered by something else.

I was concerned, so I had asked her if she had reached home safe. She'd replied. But when I'd asked her if she wanted to meet again, there was no reply. There was only an indication that she was typing and a few seconds later, it was gone. I'd decided to give her space. But I couldn't help but wonder what was taking her so long to reply.

And had left it at that though I couldn't stop thinking about her. I was home, working when I got her message.

"Hey, we need to talk.", it said.

Okay, that's not the response you expect when you ask someone out on a second date. What could I possibly reply to that?

+++

Sunday came but I wasn't ready to face the fact that whatever she was going to say that day was not going to make me feel good. The class had ended but I dreaded the thought of returning to the staffroom, but (curse my very human compulsion to go in search of trouble)I went anyway. Since the other teachers had classes, we were the only ones in the staffroom.

"Hey, ", I said.

"Hi", she replied. The silence that followed was one of the most awkward silences I've ever experienced.

Funny, we had chatted like old buddies just a couple of days ago.

"I'm just going to cut to the chase. The guy whom you met the other day, Suresh, I dated him for a while."

So, his name wasn't Sahil. I wasn't sure if 'Suresh' suited him, and now, Sahil/Suresh was back. The only thing I could do was sit and listen. What else could I do?

"We were in a relationship for five years after which, he was transferred to the USA. We tried, but the long-distance didn't work, but now he's back."

"So you're going to get back with him?"

"No, I don't know. It doesn't feel right to go on a date with someone when you have feelings for someone else. I'm sorry. I know this isn't..."

"No, I understand. It's alright." I said.

I didn't understand. So, I was just a rebound? It didn't make sense. But I did appreciate the fact that she was being honest about her feelings.

"I am sorry", she said. I remained silent.

"Hey, Abir, we are still good friends, right?"

Yeah, I knew that I was being friend-zoned, but seriously, I wasn't going to let go of her. Though she liked someone else, she'd been a good friend to me and would like to be the same to her. I would continue to have feelings for her but, then, just being around her seemed more important. But not then, I felt mad, rejected, and so confused.

So, I stood up from my seat and simply walked away.