The Last Alive

Chapter Twenty-Nine - Why Am I Not Turning?

Chapter Twenty-nine

Why Am I Not Turning?

Nathan held my hand as he led me past the guards that stood their posts. They glared as I glanced up. I dropped my head and my gaze to the floor. I felt like an outsider in a different world now. The cold linoleum was friendlier than they were. Nathan squeezed my hand as we walked down the silent hall. The courtrooms were empty and the walls barren. It felt so sterile and final.

"Are you taking me to the isolation cells?" I squeaked out.

"Yes," he said softly. "Don't worry. I'm not going to leave you."

"I didn't think you would."

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Not really. I was bit by a zombie, I'm going to turn, and then you're going to shoot me. I'm kind of freaking out on the inside," I mumbled.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be." I sighed. "You tried to save me. It was my idiocy that got me here."

"I wouldn't call it idiocy. It was more bravery than anything."

"Eh," I mumbled.

"You are brave, Emma. You saved your best friend from being torn to shreds. I shouldn't have been mad at you for that."

"Yeah and in the meantime got myself bit. Now I'm going to die."

He opened his mouth as if he were going to say something, but sighed instead. He knew I was right. There was no bright side to it. Simple fact of the matter was in a few short hours I was going to die.

Maybe I should just do it myself. Before I turn. I don't want Nathan's last memory of me to be that of a monster. I shuddered at the thought of turning into one of those mindless flesh eaters.

He led me down a darkened stairwell to a darkened hallway. A few torches threw a soft orange glow against the cobblestone walls and floor. I had led so many people down here over the years. The feeling when you go down as the infected is completely different. You swap sorrow and pity for fear. That gnawing pain in your stomach when you know you're going to die.

"This is rather middle ages. I feel like a prisoner being led to her execution," I grumbled.

"Emma, please..."

"Please what, Nathan? How am I supposed to feel?"

He stared straight ahead clenching and unclenching his jaw. My heart sped up as we approached the end of the hall. A large iron door with bars for a window stood waiting for me. I slowed as we drew closer. Terror took over. I didn't want to die. I didn't want to turn. I wanted to go to my cruddy old mattress on the floor. Nathan rapped on the door. The heavy knock reverberated down the hallway. The door creaked and slowly opened. A tall, burly man stood on the other side. He didn't glare at me. He looked at me with pity. Nathan led me past him to a row of cells.

I felt like I was in the bowels of hell.

"Don't make me go," I whispered.

"What?"

I looked up at Nathan with tears streaming down my face. "Please don't make me go in there. I-I can't go in there, Nathan."

"Emma..."

"I won't turn. I'll fight it. I'll try. Please. Please. Please," I begged.

He wrapped his arms around me as my body was racked with shudders from my sobs.

"I'm not going to leave you. I promise I'll stay with you till..."

"Till you kill me?"

"Until the infection takes over," he said softly.

"I don't want to die, Nathan."

"I know, honey. I know. I love you."

"I love you, too," I sniffed.

Tears continued to flow down my cheeks as I stepped into the cell. I turned expecting the door to be shut and I would be left in isolation alone, but Nathan entered with me. He sat on the bench against the wall and held me.

"You sure you wanna be in there?" the big man asked.

"I'm positive."

"What about when she turns?" he asked.

"I'll deal with the situation then."

That's all I am. Nothing more than a situation now. A problem that needs taken care of. Do they even see me as human anymore? Am I already an undead? What about my parents? Will they see my body after I turn? How will they hide the bullet hole in my head? Will they burn my body? Am I going to be nothing more than a pile of ashes by tomorrow?

"Stop worrying," Nathan said softly.

"I'm not." I lied.

"I know you are."

"I'm not."

"What are you thinking about then?" he asked.

"My parents."

"What about them?"

"What's going to happen to them after I'm dead," I cried.

"They will mourn you. They'll miss you."

"What about you?"

He was silent for a long while. I sat up and looked into his face. His brows were furrowed and his lips were pursed. His eyes glassed over and a tear slid down his cheek.

"I will mourn you. I will miss you. And I will love you forever."

"I don't want to leave you," I whispered.

He lowered his head to mine and cupped my face in his hands. "You will always be with me."

It didn't feel right discussing what was going to happen once I was dead.

He wiped at my tears with his thumbs before letting his soft lips linger on mine. I could taste his salty tears as the fell between our lips. I ran my fingers through his hair kissing him harder. If this was going to be my last kiss, it was going to be a good one.

"I hate to break up such a tender moment, but um, do you think you should be doing that? I mean under the circumstances and all."

"It's fine, Andrew." Nathan barely took his lips off mine.

"Well she is infected," the man said.

"I said it's fine."

"What if she bites you?"

"I'm not going to bite him!" I snapped glaring at him.

"I mean no offense, miss, I just don't want to have to put the only doctor we have down."

I shrank at his statement; he was right. It was risky for him to be so close to me. Especially when I was going to be turning soon.

"You should go," I whispered.

"I'm not leaving you."

"Nathan, as scared as I am, Andrew is right. It's risky for you to be so close. I don't want you to leave, but I don't want to end up biting you either. It's bad enough I'm going to die. The city wouldn't be able to survive without you."

"They can find another doctor." He held me close to him.

"After everything we went through, you think we're going to just let you die?"

We both turned to see Taz, Liz, and Meaghan walking through the doors.

"What are you three doing here?" I asked.

"You're not going through this alone," Liz replied.

I took a deep breath and squeezed my eyes shut, letting the last of the tears flow down my cheeks.

Time to face the music, Emma. You're going to die. It's alright. Eventually everyone dies. You don't need to be afraid. It's just death. Becca went through it. If she can, you can too.