“You’re not going to understand.” Vic tried to speak with dignity but his voice cracked midway through and more tears streamed down his face. “Can you just stop fucking crying for two seconds please?” Mike was still angry but he was trying to be as understanding as possible. Vic took a deep breath that shuttered through his chest. He wiped the tears from his face and shut his eyes for a moment before looking back to his brother. “Okay.” He hummed, trying to now act tough after crying in front of his entire band. “Vic, if you’re hurting inside and you…. You do this to yourself than your just hurting more right? What’s… what’s that going to help?” Mike took Vic’s arm into his grip and pressed a flat hand over the welts. “I mean wouldn’t you rather just hurt inside and tell someone about it than just make it worse?”
Vic nodded his head and bit his lip, his eyes starting to well with tears again. Mike took a deep breath and uncovered his older brothers arm. He stared down at the damage, the past damage. He had never actually looked at his arms to well, he always thought it was just his shoulders. He traced his thumb over the thin parallel scars that tiled his wrist. The thick red cavern made them look practically invisible, then with the welt on top of them it was almost impossible to see the healed ones. Mike took a deep breath, he had no idea what he was going to say to his older brother. He never felt like there was nowhere to go, he never felt like the only other option was to hurt himself, he had never felt like Vic. Mike glanced over his shoulder at the three behind him, “Tony… I know you never want to talk about anything but I just… I can’t handle this right now.” Tony nodded his head and took Mike’s place on the floor next to Vic as Mike grabbed a pack of cigarettes off the small end table beside the couch and headed out the door.
Tony sighed and looked at Vic, Vic shook his head “Tony it’s okay I’m fine.” Tony didn’t say anything, he just stared at him bit at his fingernails. “Tony really. I don’t need to hear the suicide speech. I don’t like thinking about you doing those things.” Vic pulled himself off the floor and looked down at Tony. “Stop thinking about it, you’re past that now.” He said, lending a hand to help him up. Tony didn’t accept the offering, he just ran his eyes up Vic’s arm to his shoulder and back a couple times before shaking his head and walking back to his bunk. Jaime followed suit of Tony, letting Kellin and Vic talk alone.
As soon as Jaime had closed his bunk curtain Vic pulled Kellin up off the ground, wrapping his arms around him. “Thank you for taking them.” He sighed. Kellin bit his lip and hugged Vic back, pulling him close. “The sharpest of blades couldn’t cut me away from you.” Kellin mumbled as he trailed his lips up Vic’s neck. Vic pulled away from Kellin’s flirtatious kissed and dropped to the floor where he was standing. “Oh we’re sitting on the floor again are we?” Kellin laughed as he slid down the wall next to his friend. Kellin tried to kiss Vic but he once again pulled away. “What’s wrong?” Kellin whined turning Vic’s chin toward him so he could meet his eyes. “I’m just not in the mood.” Vic lied, running his nails up his arm, making more welts bubble to the surface of his skin.
“Nails that cut like razors.” Kellin mumbled as he pushed Vic’s hand away from his throbbing arm. “Don’t tell my friends what I’ve become.” Vic pleaded his glossy brown eyes locked on Kellin’s. “Never.” Kellin promised. Vic leaned over and kissed Kellin lightly on the lips, letting them linger for a moment before deciding he was in the mood to fool around with Kellin. Kellin put his hand in the center of Vic’s chest and pushed him off. “Thought you weren’t in the mood?” He teased. Vic ran his tongue across his upper lip and said “I’m not.” Kellin smiled and dropped his hand away from Vic’s chest. Vic ran his fingers through Kellin’s hair before gently placing a finger to his chin and guiding his lips back up to me his own.
