The Khuzwayo's

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Somewhere in Durban
I walked from the Taxi rank to the lawyers office and got in there and waited for awhile. The receptionist came and showed me the way. I got in as he looked at over his glasses.
Lawyer: Mr Zondo thank you for blessing me with your presence. I nodded.
Lawyer: This is the will that your cousin left for you. He passed an envelope to me. I took the Envelope and looked at the guy.
Me: is they anything else apart the Envelope that he might have left for me? He than opened the drawer and took out two sets of keys than scribbled something on a small piece of paper.
Lawyer: those are car keys and your apartment keys... the car on the 3rd floor parking garage. I nodded again.
Me: Thank you. I got up with the envelope and walked out of the office without looking back.

Salinda
I woke up feeling much better and walked to the kitchen to pour some milk in a glass. I took out my phone and checked my texts from my brother and friends and replied to some. I sent a text to Ray:
𝐦𝐞: 𝐇𝐲 𝐰𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐈 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞....
𝐑𝐚𝐲: 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐚𝐦 𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐨𝐮𝐭??
𝐦𝐞:𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞, 𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐦 𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞
𝐑𝐚𝐲: 𝐒𝐮𝐫𝐞
I placed the phone at the table and stood there breathing and just than Akani walks in wearing his grey sweatpants and vest. With socks no shoes and reading glasses. I didnt even know he wear reading glasses.
Akani: Hey
Me: Hey
Akani: You rested okay?
Me: Yeah thanks. I think I should be heading home now.
Akani: okay. Let me change and ill drive you.
Me: if you don't mind can I uber home? I looked at him as he looked shocked and confused.
Akani: Am not understanding Salinda, at the hospital you told me you love me and we agreed to work things out and give us a try and now you don't want me to drive you home?
Me: I know what I said but I need some time alone to think.
Akani: about?
Me: To just think okay
Akani: am confused. I looked at him and he really looked ay me confused and it hurt to see that iv confused him and he looked hurt and disappointed at the same time.

Akani
I stood there as i watched her looking at me also confused as much as I am. She slept and woke up totally another person altogether and i honestly didnt get it. I was afraid to be to pushy but I needed answers.
Me: look, i get we just winging it here. The news of us expecting is to much. But we can't say we will work things out than you wake up and tell me you want to go home and you want space to think. What are you thinking that requires you to be away from me? She looked at me with tears in her eyes
Salinda: I don't even know if you want the babies or not. I don't even know if I want the babies I don't even know if they will survive. Heck I don't even know what I want and where am going in my life. I looked at her as tears went down her face and I felt her pain and her words tore at my heart.
Me: You love me right? She stood there looking at me.

Salinda
Me: That the only thing I know right now and that terrifies me. It terrifies me that I love you so much that sometimes I want to crawl into your skin. Its terrifies me that am so invested in you yet I know little about you. It terrifies me so much that ill invest myself into you and us and our future than one day you wake up a totally different person. Its terrifies me so much that i love you with all of me and I want these babies so much but it might not be in your plans and you might think i planned this to shackle you. It terrifies me so much that you love makes me feel some type of way but am so hurt and so tormented by my past that I keep having flash from it. It terrifies me so much that Ill keep pushing and pushing and one day you will finally give up on me, on us and decide am not worth your time, patience and love. Its terrifies me so much that I carry more pain than love within me and that as much as you will try to heal me with your love and shower me with your attention and love me by just being you that ill be to blind to see it or even reciprocate it that i end up abusing you or hurting you emotionally just the way i was hurt. Am to damaged for you. Am to broken for you. Am to shallow for you that how i see myself but somehow when I look at you or when I see you within your eyes I feel and see a new me. The tears were just running down my face and he stood there with tears in his eyes and in all my life iv never seen a man cry. Iv never seen a man as beautiful and as strong and calm and collective as this one cry. To make matters strange cry in front of a woman and not feel ashamed. A man who can express himself through tears.

Akani
Me: All my life i never knew where and who snd how I came about. When I saw you the first time you were eating at a coffee shop minding your business and I was too shy to even come close to you. I later found out you were married to this abuser.I know what you have endured but also I know how far you have come. I know you capable of love because iv felt your love. I know you would never hurt me because you have been hurt and wouldn't wish what you have experienced on anyone. I know my heart is safe with you because for the first time in years i have loved and now i have cried. Iv done many bad things in my life and iv killed and tortured people in my life but with you iv felt acceptance, love and mostly iv been more myself than iv been with anyone in my life. I find myself drawn to you in more ways than just one but mostly i find myself more happy at the possibility that you might be in my life forever. Iv never cared for anyone but myself but with you iv cared more about you than myself. I want you, i want our kids. I want a life with you but mostly I need you more than you need me. You make me sane and whole and human all at once. So to answer your questions or doubts I also don't know what life holds for us but all I know is that so long as we have each other that all we need. I moved closer to her and held her in my arms as we both cried. I cried more for finally finding solace in knowing i matter to her and for her it was more of a letting go cry. A cry that washes the past and somehow opens door to a new future. Am really not sure what the future held for us but I more determine for her to see the beauty of us being one and whole.The beauty of love and family and mostly the beauty of being loved and appreciated....