gone days| jeongchan

three

four years.

it's been four long years since the last time they talked after jeongin cut off all possible forms of communication with chan. four years since jeongin moved back to live with his aunts and go to college in busan, four years since that fateful day where san's chapter in jeongin's book had ended.

chan was more than surprised when jeongin reached out to him through jisung, one of their friends, and jeongin had the same reaction when he received a response. frankly, jeongin was not expecting the older to respond because he thought he might have forgotten about him already, but here we are, in a coffee shop on a weekday night.

"so, how was busan?" chan asked, finally returning to his conversation starter self. a couple of minutes have passed since the beginning of their reunion, and both had their coffee cups halfway through.

  "same old," jeongin shrugs before he shifts his position, crossing his arms on his chest while still leaning backwards, "i'm just glad i didn't adapt to their dialect. would've been so funny."

chan stifles a chuckle, continuing, "was it easy?"

jeongin's eyebrows furrowed, "what?" the older ponders shortly before letting the question out, "you know, leaving everything behind? you spent almost your entire life here in seoul, and all your friends were here." chan spoke rather slowly, and then a very short pause, "your life was here."

"of course it wasn't," jeongin plasters a bitter smile, "but i just.. i just kind of felt like i had to, you know? i didn't want to run away or leave, but everything about seoul just reminds me of you.." jeongin throws the older a hesitant glance, "..of us."

  chan had the same bitter smile on his face, "but did you really have to?"
"i kind of felt like i did," jeongin heaves a deep breath before continuing, "but honestly? i don't really know. no matter how much i tried to convince myself that i went there to start anew, i always knew deep inside that i was just running away. i always had that thought in the back of my mind but i kept trying to brush it off, and when i realized running away wouldn't how much i tried to do any good, it was too late."

chan looks at the younger male fondly, the way the younger had matured so much slightly turning his expression into a soft one.

jeongin continues, "i went there for a fresh start. to move on and forget. but do you know what else i realized?"

chan doesn't say anything. jeongin sighs, "you never really forget, you know? moving on is different from forgetting, because if you forget, then there wouldn't even be a need for you to move on anymore."

"i guess you're right," chan grips the cup again, bringing it closer to his mouth, "moving on doesn't really make us forget, it just eases the pain."

  jeongin lightly shakes his head, humming in disapproval, "the pain will always be there."

chan forms a round shape with his lips, nodding slightly, quite amazed at how deep the topic at hand was, knowing it was jeongin, the naive, clueless little boy who always found his way out of unlikely conversations, he's talking to.

"so if the pain is still there, what convinced you to come back?"

"i can ask you the same question: what convinced you to agree to this?"

there was a short pause between them, both men lost deep in their thoughts, but they knew what they both wanted. a proper closure.

a proper, four-year long overdue closure to their relationship.

"wow, jeongin, that was deep." chan laughs.

"i know, right? i rehearsed it in the mirror last night," both erupts into laughter at the younger's reply.

once their giggles had calmed down, san puts his cup back onto the table as something suddenly clicks in his mind, "how's seungmin and hyunjin by the way? i heard they're going out."

  jeongin chuckles, smiling at the thought of chan remembering his friends, "yeah, apparently, they only started dating in college because hyunjin was a coward. what about your friends? what are they up to?"

"be specific, i have a lot of friends." jeongin playfully rolls his eyes, "the ones from high school, of course."

"haven't really heard much from them, but i remember minho told me he's pursuing a dancing career. a dance coach or something. changbin... he's probably sleeping right now. he told me he's jobless as of the moment," chan tells jeongin about their friends, looking up as if trying to remember all the important details.

"i've heard felix has a youtube channel now?" chan asks, sounding more like a statement.

"yeah," jeongin nods, "people call him yongbok now. it's his channel name or something. i'm actually sleeping over at his place tonight after this."

when jeongin was five, his family decided to move to seoul from busan for his father's work, as it would be closer and more convenient for them. they bought a house in this neighborhood where the people were so kind they even held a welcoming party for them when they literally just arrived. the fathers were assisting mr. jung in getting their stuff inside, while the mothers helped mrs. yang cook dinner and even brought their own share of ingredients.