Note: this is from the same community as the last.
What I will focus on: I will focus on the points you asked me to work on being grammar, writing style, plot, and character development. However, I did think it was necessary to add Overall Enjoyment.
Chapters I did the review on: three
Grammar:
I honestly count this as grammar, but some don't just a warning. Opening your book, I noticed that you were 'telling' and not 'showing.' It is something easily missed when you're on a roll with writing the story. But it is a key point because it happened in your first paragraph causing a huge swift in my mind, where I got distracted more.
I recommend just doing this to start with for your first sentence: Thea was in the only place she would go to all the time, feeling a gush of emotions flowing throughout her body like a boat on the ocean. Her emotion finally settled on content the moment she gazed out of her area. Her hazel eyes were piercing from the spot she was in out of the window.
It is more words and will need to match your writing style. But it is highly recommended to do something to make it hooking, like that.
Also, you overused periods where they are not needed making it a grammatical error. For example in chapter one, you have '.......' when your character, Thea is shivering. I recommend for you to use '-' or '...' instead, so it will not be so many overused periods. It occurs sometimes throughout your book as a whole, but nothing more.
Other than that, you only had minor fragments and run-ins (even past chapter three), which can be fixed in a simple revision stage!
Writing Style:
I honestly love your writing style and it has a lot of potential in it. It is very hard to write like that and not have errors, so it is a very good job!
But question is, what made you choose that point of view? What helped you with your writing style? Whatever you're doing, share some of that with me please!
Plot:
You have a strong solid plot, there is nothing to say here other than that!
Character Development:
In the first three chapters, you had some character development. When reading the rest, it flowed through it. I love Thea and I saw her growth through it. All I can say is for you to show it instead of telling it throughout your book.
Overall Enjoyment:
Overall, Alethea is an amazing book. I enjoyed reading it and I saw so much thought put in it. The book deserves to be in bookstores local and national. I wish you the best on your future endeavor and don't forget to take what I said in consideration.
