Notes

When he first met Jon, he thought that maybe he had a chance. That maybe they could be friends and then something more. But Jon had been dismissive and rude and as much as Martin knew it wouldn't happen, he still kept hoping. After all the attacks and the trauma and the fear, Martin stayed supportive, worried, trying to help. And somewhere along the way, a little after Prentiss' attack, he started leaving notes. On the cups of tea he brought Jon as he recorded his statements. On the fire extinguisher tucked away in Jon's desk. On the first aid kits Martin dropped off for him. And on the tape recorders that appeared so often. They were never anything important, just little words of encouragement. 'Take a break's and 'Be careful's scrawled in Martin's neat handwriting. Usually with a smiley face, but once Martin had been bold and drew a little heart in red ink. He'd paused for a second then, a blush creeping across his face. Thinking about it, Martin crumpled the note in his hand, threw it in the trash, and put his head in his hands. He wasn't brave enough for that yet.
Martin never considered that his notes held any significance to Jon, even after their relationship had grown and mended. At that point, It'd just become a small routine he had become accustomed to. If he was being honest, the notes weren't really taking up any space in his brain. It wasn't until years later, after his experience with the lonely when he and Jon took reprieve in that safe little cabin together that he even thought about the notes again. Occasionally, Martin was able to convince Jon to go on a walk and get some fresh air and it was on one of those days when Martin was looking through the house for a stash of spare tea. He'd scoured the kitchen cabinets and come up empty handed, and so he checked every other drawer he could find. It was in a cupboard tucked in the corner that he found a tea box he presumed to be full of well,tea. To Martin's surprise, it wasn't tea contained in the box but instead hundreds of notes. Sticky notes in an array of colors, some ripped, some with tea stains but all in good enough condition. All in a very familiar handwriting. Martin couldn't stop the smile that spread across his face or the surprise he felt. He honestly couldn't believe that Jon had kept his notes this long and at the thought of his boyfriend collecting them, Martin felt warmth blooming in his chest. Even when he didn't think Jon cared at all, there he was loving Martin in his own strange way.