Tell Me You're Mine

Part 1

As Shannon walks out of the elevator, she feels her heart rate go even higher. It was almost two months since Cari broke up with her at the end of march and she hadn't seen her ever since. And now, as she walks down the hall towards the apartment that her now ex and Alex share in Los Angeles, the same place she had been countless times, she feels like her lungs could go out of breath by any minute and her legs will no longer be able to support her body weight as she gets closer and closer to the door.

It was Alex' birthday and, as much as she was terrified of feeling the same way she felt when Cari sat in front of her and said she needed some time to figure out who she really was and what she really wanted in life without the worry of hurting, in her words, "one of the most especial and loving person she ever met" after three years of being together, she couldn't miss Alex' party.

Alex was Cari's best friend since high school and, during their relationship, she became one of her best friends too. They used to hang out all the time, even when Cari was out of town or too busy with work or just not in the mood to do anything, they were always up to something fun. Alex was one of the most loyal people she had ever met and turned out to be one of the greatest friends she ever had and Shannon wasn't planning on losing her too. The first two weeks after the break up were devastating for her, and Alex was literally one call away whenever she needed, always offering a shoulder to cry and an inappropriate joke that never failed to put a smile on her face.

So there she was, risking her progress on getting Cari out of her head and what was left of her mental health to celebrate her ex's best friend 26th birthday. She didn't know what to expect or what she was supposed to do the moment she and Cari would cross paths that night. She knew there was going to be a lot of other people there, but the apartment wasn't too big, at some point they would end up bumping at each other one way or another.

The thing was, they never had a big fight or anything like that. At first, it was hard for Shannon to assimilate the fact that Cari didn't want her to be part of her life anymore, mostly because she still loved her to death and was planning on spending the rest of her life by her side. But, if that was what Cari wanted, she'd have to find a way to accept and go through it without her, even if that meant having her heart break into million pieces. However, not even that were able to make her hate Cari or feel any negative feelings towards her. She'd always love her no matter what, but now she only had to figure out a way of loving her without wanting to wrap her arms around her and kiss every inch of skin she could reach like she used to do the moment she laid her eyes on her.

The first weeks without Cari were almost like quitting an addictive substance or something like that. She was craving to feel her touch again. She tried everything she could to get her out of her mind. She even went on a couple of dates with some girls the last month, but the problem was that none of them felt even close like she felt the day she met Cari. The only thing helping was being surrounded by her friends and focusing on new interests like cooking, reading and even working out to distract her of having Cari constantly in her mind, but she couldn't say she was proud of her improvements.

She took a deep breath before she reached for the bell by the side of the door and, with the voice inside of her head, she told herself: "you can do it". A couple of minutes later the door opens and a smiling Alex with what seems a whole crowd of people talking and laughing mixed with some thrash music in the background greets her. That used to be a classic friday night for them, only different by the amount of people spread everywhere throughout the apartment.

"Hello sis, you're late!"

"I know. Sorry about that, I just..." Shannon purposively waited longer than she needed to get there. She though that with more people around it would be harder to have any kind of contact with Cari that night.