Wannabe

The Titanomachy

Cronus and the Prophecy

Welcome back friends! Last time we left off with the destruction of Uranus. After that whole incident Cronus became the new leader. If you remember Greek Myth Rule #4 then you know that no one is your friend. (Not even your siblings) Anyways, Cronus banished both his cyclops and Hecatoncheires siblings to Tartarus; the deepest depths of the underworld. This of course, was only because they looked like monsters. It was prophesied that one of Cronus' children would overthrow him, much like his father. What was his solution? Eat all the children! (Note Rule #1) Who were his children exactly? The Generation One Olympians! (There are two generations... just stay with me here)

Hades- God of underworld and the dead (Death and dead are two very different things)

Poseidon- God of the seas (Extremely temperamental)

Hera- Goddess of women and motherhood (It honestly seems like she's always on her period)

Hestia- Goddess of fire (She's pretty cool and probably my favorite)

Demeter- Goddess of agriculture (Pretty much depressed)

Zeus- God of sky (The biggest man-whore you can imagine)

Aphrodite was also a gen one Olympian. There is usually said to only be twelve Olympians and that is true, but also kind of not. Hestia will later leave the Olympian council and give her spot to the god of wine; Dionysus.

So, all of the children were consumed by Cronus except for Zeus. Cronus' wife (Rhea) was getting annoyed that all of her children were being eaten. And because the oracle is always right, (Rule #2) Zeus is sent to live on Crete by his mother after he was born. Rhea wrapped a rock in cloth to hide her actions and Cronus ate it up, completely unaware. I don't know why he'd just throw whatever his wife gives him into his mouth but okay...

Stories differ regarding what happened during his time on Crete but the process is sort of irrelevant. When Zeus comes of age he frees his siblings, now recognized as the rightful king. (Though Cronus still remains on the throne) Zeus lets his monster aunts and uncles out of Tartarus. Thankful, the cyclops make three gifts; lightning bolts, a helmet, and a trident. Equality. You remember what that is right? Well... Zeus doesn't. He gives the gifts to his male siblings, deeming them the most important (3) Olympians. Poseidon is given the Trident, Zeus keeps the lightning, and Hades is given the helmet of darkness.

So now Cronus is pissed and enlists the Titans' help. This is when the Olympians realize that shit is 'bout to go down! And thus.... The Titanomachy war was born........ dun duN DUN!!!!

The Titanomachy

On one side we have the Titans and Cronus. They both fear the power of the new generation and wish to destroy them once and for all. On the other side we have the Olympians, Hecatoncheires, and Cyclops. They were angry and thirsty for revenge, later convincing Titans Themis and Prometheus to join their side. The Titans ruled Mt Othrys while the Olympians ruled Mt Olympus, all competing to rule the universe. Atlas acted as the Titan's leader, ironically leading them to their downfall ten years later. After the Olympians won, most of the Titans were sent to Tartarus. Atlas, however, was given a special punishment, destined to hold the earth on his back forever.

     When the war was over Zeus, Hades, and Poseidon split up the universe because... toxic masculinity. It is said that they drew straws. I mean, that's one way you could do it I guess. Zeus won (I suspect foul play) and drew the largest straw, wining rule of the sky. Then came the medium straw, chosen by Poseidon who rules all water. The shortest stick is chosen by Hades, and he now rules the Underworld. Now, no one wants to rule the underworld and Hades got what was left. He's still salty about it. In the end though, you could very well argue that Hades has the most common sense of the three brothers. He's not at all the villain Disney makes him out to be.

So... what did we learn today? In conclusion: Don't eat your children and rock paper scissors is overrated.