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*~*~* You're ruining my life day by day*~*~*
*~*~* The butterflies you give me are literally making me nauseous*~*~*
My heart felt as if it was going to fall out of my ass, the first time I had been on the train without Cedric by my side, all of his friends taking up the compartment. It would always be filled with laughter and excitement, this time was different very different. I cant concentrate on conversations, I'm not bubbling with giggles and fits of energy. I can feel his presence next to me, looking down at me from my small height only reaching his shoulder. But he wasn't brushing up against my shoulder. Instead Sydney filled the gap by my side. Her curly hair tickling my cheek as she rested against me.
Last year this compartment was packed with people, way too many people. people sitting on laps and butt cheeks flat against the carpeted floor. That was when Cedric was still around. this school year was always going to feel different. Ceddy wouldn't of been returning to school this year, he was so close. So fucking close to finishing school and going on to be something amazing. But it was snatched away from him, cold unforgiving hands clamped around his heart and tugged it out.
But this year is even more different then I anticipated, he wasn't just not returning to his dorm and classes and common room, he wasn't returning to anything, he now lay dead in the ground, maggots and bugs trying to penetrate his rotting flesh and nibble away until nothing but his skeleton remains.
I hate to admit it but I used to be quite jealous of him, how easy going he was. Everything was like water off a ducks back to him. So charismatic and friendly, popular and admired buy literally everyone. You either wanted him or wanted to be him, girls were constantly following him and drooling. As his sister I found it repulsive obviously. But just imagine being that loved, that admired.
My legs were tucked up against my chest, my chin resting on my knee as I looked out the window, the train was pulling away from the platform, parents, grandparents and siblings all waving goodbye enthusiastically. I could see some mothers wiping their eyes as their children sped away from them, not to be seen again until Christmas.
My dad wasn't one of them, I made my own way to the station. He didn't want me to go this year but I just couldn't be stuck in that house. I couldn't stand living with the ghost of my brother. I couldn't go another day of my own Father ignoring me. sitting on the sofa just as silent as my brother on the damp grass. Him now just as lost to me as Cedric. Mum was never home, always out doing something or other, her state was normal. Everything has to be completely normal, cleaning Cedric's room every morning, laying out his uniform on his bed the last day of Summer. It was unbearable, why couldn't anyone just grieve normally, why couldn't we cry on each others shoulders and hug, whisper reassurance into each others hair, hold onto one another so close and appreciate the fact we could still hold onto one another. Watching your mother lay out a fourth plate of dinner every night just to throw it away cracks and pecks at the shell containing the damaged core.
