Dying to Love

Chapter#1:

A month ago was the last time I was normal. Though I was able to get Nicholas to watch another movie with me after the movie where she found my lump, she made me go the hospital right after and after waiting hours to do tests and see doctors, they found it. It was called Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. I had cancer.

After that it was a blur of a week, of my mom driving to the hospital to talk to the doctors and they agreed I would get better service from a bigger hospital and decided I should move back home, of her helping me pack, and of Nicholas telling the university she was taking the rest of the year of the be with me.

It was hard leaving the university as I had a strong feeling that that would be the last time I would ever be there. I said goodbye to some of my other close friends who told me to call them for anything and they would be right there with me and their were praying for me. It was difficult telling the soup kitchen and the children's hospital, the places I volunteered at and spend all my time at that I was leaving. It was just as difficult to tell my drama teacher that I was not coming back. It was honestly the hardest thing though to realize that I imagined the next 2 years of my life there and graduating with my class and that I will never get there. I will never be able to graduate university, go on and get further education and become a professor. I will never be getting any of that.

However it was harder coming home. I mean I love being home with my mom and my best friend, but realizing that I wasn't coming home for vocation or to visit, but to stay. It was difficult.

After the first week of adjusting to my new life situation and to having cancer, it could a lot easier. I realized that it was going to be a hard journey but it did mean that everything had to be hard. I was going to work hard to be a survivor and to get back to normal. And if I only had this time to live I was not going to waste it. I was going to live the best life I possibly could.

The cancer treatment was decent, they put me on chemotherapy and I had surgery as the doctors try to limit how much my cancer could grow but they said that from me waiting over a month to get tested the cancer did spread but that chemo was going to help destroy it.

I remember when I got my surgery my friend and my mom was right there with me holding my hand and telling me everything was going to be alright and that I was going to make it through. My older sister Abi who also came home from school, didn't come join as she had she had other things to do. Other people may have been upset, but I expected it.

That actually became a pattern for us. Every time I went to the hospital Nicholas and my mom will come and support me and tell me the exact same thing while Abi never came.

Me and Abi used to be really close but than we kind of just split apart when she became popular and I didn't. She was the popular cheerleader and I was the volunteering, drama loving nerd. Even though we split apart, I still loved Abi.

As much as I tried to keep a positive attitude sometimes it gets hard, like today. I was flipping through the TV looking for something good to watch and settled for Friends. Even though I watched every episode like 10 times as it was a yearly custom to watch the while series with Nicholas as soon as summer vocation started, I still found it to be great.

I heard my phone ding and saw that I got a message from Madie, one of my close friends in university. She told me to go on Facebook on her account and I saw that they were at the dance. They looked so beautiful and they had two spaces in the middle and the persons closest to the middle were holding signs. One said "this space is reserved for the strongest person we know" and the other said "this space is reserved for the best friend ever." It captioned that they were wish we were thinking and they were thinking of us.

I texted Maddie backs thanks and to have a great night. It was difficult seeing how happy they were and how I was not there like I should have been. And the worse thing was I felt jealous. I scrolled through the pictures looking at all the fun they were having.