Hate Me

Leaving?

Without much drama, I go straight home from school. I don't wait to hear from the owner of the school, attend the assembly, or Any sh*ts. I just tell Nathan goodbye and head home with a bike.

When I get home, my parent doesn't let me rest. From asking if I ate well, to if I drank good water, to if I slept well, and of course if I had any attack. Of course, there is no way in hell I'm telling them about that. Just as you expect, I lie of course.

After a whole hour of Bummi telling me how much she missed me and how much of my chocolates she's eaten, I am finally left alone in the room. Left alone to peace to reminisce over the earlier events of the day.

I sit on my bed and take out my diary. I begin to pour my mind into it. I don't realize I am crying till teardrop land on a page of the book. I try to push back the tears but to no avail. I can't even think straight. I need to cry.

I quickly undress and with my towel wrapped around my chest, I head straight Into my thinking room.

Once in the bathroom, I lock the door and turn on the shower. Not just to take a bath, but to drown out the sound of my sobs.

Why, Why am I crying?

'Oh I don't know, maybe because the boy you have been swooning over, gave you the embarrassment of a lifetime, your secret just got exposed, you just lost your best friend. AGAIN TO SILVIA.

Half the school probably sees you as a joke while the others would look at you with sympathy from now on, you once again lost to that cunning bi*ch and maybe also because you have got no fu*king form of support in your messed up life!' My subconscious replies to the question I asked earlier.

What the f*CK just happened? I didn't just lose all did I? Honestly, I am crying without control. Seeing me now, one would think I am crying over a miscarriage I had.

The pain I feel is inexplicable. I don't even know if it's justified. Why would Victor say such things to me? I swear I didn't see that coming. I thought I was his friend. I mean, I wander back to the first day we met. Looking at us, one would think we had something going there.

I understand he said he didn't like me. He made it very clear the other day on the football field, but what was the need to embarrass the s*it out of me in front of everyone? I honestly don't know how I could keep from crying back there. How could any human be so cruel? All I did was have a crush on him.

He called me a liar, he said I wasn't his friend, all in all, he called me a pest. I mean... WTF!!! How could he?
So I was just being delusional. Only I felt what I thought WE felt. How dumb was I?

Do you know that feeling when all you expected and hoped for doesn't happen but instead the tables get turned?

It's like getting a note from your crush asking you to be his val date and on Valentine's day, you find him making out with your worst enemy in the school hallway!

I decide to turn the shower off and use the tub. I need to lay in the water. I turn the tap on and warm water begins to fill the tub.

My mind drifts off to the first day I met Victor. How he held my hands, how he wanted to attend my classes, how easy it was for us to laugh and flow, and how excited I was to tell Faith about him.

When the tub is full, I carefully step inside it as any mistake could be costly. I lay in the tub and then I do what I enjoy doing a lot. Something I am sure people would freak about if they find out.

I keep sliding gently till my hair is in the water and then a little further till my head is below the water. I don't close my eyes.

I can maintain this position for about 2-3 minutes. So while at it, I just let my mind drift off. Once my lungs are tired and feel like they are about to explode, I come out of the water and take deep breaths.