The Edge of Us

Eleven

"The worst feeling is pretending that you don't care when it's really the other way around."
***

After the doctor checked my sprained ankle and finds it not that severe to worry about, Alexander made him and my maid leave. He's now standing, facing his back on me habang nakapamulsa. I can see his austere front image through his reflection on the window glass that was standing between him and the solemn view outside.

How he looked at me with a glint of worry in his eyes and yanked me close with so much care awhile ago makes me feel a little hopeful that he somehow cared for me, like the normal people do. Who's not? He saved me not ones but twice, kaya hindi imposibleng kahit papaano'y may tinatagong pagmamalasakit ang diktador na taong ito.

But still, inis pa rin ako sa ilang araw na hindi s'ya nakauwi. Why? Kasi nag-alala ako, kahit hindi naman dapat. This hypocrite self really makes me into deranged woman.

Inikotan ko ng mata ang sarili, then the sudden urge to break the silence drives my lips at its own accord.
"Where were you these past few days?" Alex brought his arms across his chest as he face me. Then smirked, nahalata siguro niya na maging ako ay gulat din sa sariling tanong.

"Gusto ko lang itanong, masama ba?" Maagap kong depensa, tinaasan ko siya ng kilay bago isinalampa ang likod sa unan na nakahilig sa headboard ng kama. Dismayado man sa sarili ay sinikap kong h'wag itong ipahalata.

He gradually saunter closer, like he has all the time of his life.
"Indeed?" I felt bile rising in my throat as he sits on my bed, gazing me earnestly. Kaya napalunok ako ng wala sa sarili. " 'Cause your face tells me your not just asking, like there's more to it." Halos abot kamay ko lang s'ya kaya hindi maiiwasang mapatingin ako sa mga mata nito.

Iwas tingin akong napasinghal,
"Ha! Really? Like what?" Mahayap kong tanong, feigning innocent.

"Like I grown on you. Does my absence worries you, Kitten?" He said in a playful tone. Is he teasing me or what?

"Is that so?" I said, skeptical as ever.

"Yes, otherwise you wouldn't ask my whereabouts."

"Well then, Mr. Alexander Wright, you might call it a momentary lapse of judgment," muli kong itinuwid ang pagkakaupo at inilapit ang mukha sa kanya, "because I can assure you that it was nothing more." Panuya kong sambit at sinundan ito ng mapaklang ngiti. The muscle in his jaw made a quick flick like it always does every time we're drawn in an intense conversation.

"Bakit nga ba hindi sarili mo ang punain mo?" Iginala ko ang paningin sa mukha niya. Hell those inticing lips of his. "Maybe, all you wanted to say is that, you, Mr. Wright is starting to care for me." Sandali s'yang nag-iwas ng tingin, gumuhit ang sarkastikong ngiti sa mga labi nito habang umiiling-iling. Muling ihinalukipkip nito ang mga kamay sa bulsa kasabay ng pagtayo. I diligently follow his stance as he walk away, our distance somehow sends me relief yet it makes me feel sad as well, doon ko lang napagtanto how I was controlling my breathing when he was in an intense proximity with me.

"That was the most abominable delusion I've ever heard." Mahayap nitong sabi na bahagyang natatawa pa. It was meant to insult but I find it sexy.

Sexy? Seriously, Yssay?
I wanted to slap my forehead for that.

"Are you that really incapable of admitting that you somehow care for people? Com'on, it's too obvious para e deny mo pa 'yon Alex." Walang pagbabago sa ekspresyon at tindig nito. It was like my statement was nothing but a null hypothesis, a mere product of my ridiculous mind.