Third Wheel || Tsukiyama ||

-2-

TW: mentions of self harm

"Your sweater?"

"Yeah. My mom said I should just give it to you, since I don't use it anyway"

Yamaguchi was starting to regret encouraging Tsukishima to give Ichika a chance.

His heart was starting to twist and hurt him in multiple ways. He never knew how painful heartbreak was before, and now that he'd finally experienced it, he was starting to wish that he was the bad guy instead.

He wanted to pull his hair out, he wanted to scream, he wanted to punch himself in the face.

He couldn't, though.

As much as he wanted to be with Tsukishima, as much as he wanted this pain to end, he couldn't do it. He wanted the man to be happy, he wanted him to move on quickly, and his body was beating him down for it.

He was hurting himself for the happiness of the one causing him pain.

He had so much left to do, with so little time to do it. Yamaguchi didn't want to bother Tsukishima anymore, so he stayed silent. He remained as a third wheel, and he payed no attention.

He watched his best friend and Ichika start to grow closer over the weeks. He hated it. He hated it but he was happy about it at the same time. It hurt him, but he didn't exactly have a choice.

"Yamaguchi-kun, do you have any tips for where I should take Tsukishima out? I just wanna have a fun day, and get to know him better" Yamaguchi rubbed at the tattoo on his wrist again, thinking

"Uh- try an arcade, maybe? Or a museum about dinosaurs. We- he usually likes to hang out at those places. I'm sure you two will have fun, either way" he gave her a warm grin, eyes beginning to cloud up

Ichika beamed at him, nodding "thank you so much, Yamaguchi! You're a life saver" she giggled "I would've been a disaster if I hadn't asked you"

Yamaguchi shook his head "you'll- um- you'll be fine, Ichika. Just be yourself, and try not to pressure yourself too much. I'm sure you can do this"

-

How many times has he helped the girl out, now?

Too many times. Far too many times.

The small cuts on his thighs and shoulders confirmed that. It was stupid, really. The fact that he was cutting himself to rid himself of the guilt towards himself was a silly thought to him

"I'm gonna be gone soon, anyway" he murmured.

He chuckled silently, a tear rolling down his cheek. He sunk into his sheets, wrapping himself in the sweater that Tsukishima had given him two years ago.

He liked to fantasize about getting his happily ever after, about finally being able to open up to Tsukishima fully, about finally being beside him, instead of being the third wheel.

He ridiculed himself for those fantasies, though.

Tsukishima had no reason to like Yamaguchi in that way. After all, he had a pretty, kind, gentle, and caring girl by his side to fill in Yamaguchi's role after he was gone.

He wasn't half as pretty, he wasn't half as witty, he wasn't half as perfect, he wasn't half as qualified.

There was no way he would like him.

He may have been Tsukishima's amber, but that girl was now his shade of gold.

It was utterly useless to like him.