monoma angst oneshots

nothing but a copycat

warnings: suicide, angst, mentions of abuse, there will be a happy ending i promise-

italics mean flashbacks

                             

the gentle sound of water from below was the only thing that filled the blonde's ears. it wasn't too high up, maybe about two hundred feet.

okay fine, it was decently high.

his stomach lurched as he looked down again, biting his lip.

lifting himself over the bar, the one that was supposed to keep people away from the water. neito gave a weak chuckle. so much for keeping him away, right?

but this is what they wanted. he relied on other people his entire life. but even then, he was nothing but a copycat. he was annoying. unwanted. nobody liked him. even after his father forced him to be perfect.

all the years of yelling, being put down whenever he made a mistake. it was all to make him into the perfect son.

stupid. fucking stupid if you asked him.
because here he was, standing on the edge of a bridge. ready to end it at fifteen.

neito let a sigh slip past his lips, as well as a chuckle. he was really going through with this, wasn't he? once he stepped off this bridge, he wouldn't have to deal with.. anything.

time seemed to stand still while he gazed at the waves that lapped at the pillars. crystal blue eyes met ocean blue waters, the eyes that were lightly brimmed with tears.

but he couldn't go back now.

he was unwanted. his dad wanted a perfect son, not the good for nothing excuse of a child he was.

neito was just like what they said he was.

a copycat.

a loudmouth.

a loser.

why didn't they like him? he tried his best. that's all that should matter.. but none of them like him. the only ones he thought put up with him were fake.

he was in the common area, still unnoticed. kendo and tetsu were chatting, along with a few others who seemed to be ranting about something. someone.

he was sure that someone was him.

"he's too loud! and childish, how did he even get into this school? all he does is bitch and moan about everything."

the words came from kendo. neito's eyes widened as tetsu agreed with her.

"i thought we could get along, but i'm sick with his whining about every little thing! 'class a is this,'" he mocked the blonde, "'class a is that!'" tetsutetsu had his back faced to neito, as did kendo and the other. so they didn't see him.

maybe they liked it better that way.

his eyes fluttered, tears falling from his cheeks and off his chin.

"they.. really don't like me.. do they?" he asked nobody in particular.

neito was alone here. the only thing accompanying him was the thick fog and the overbearing feeling of guilt on his shoulders.

he wasn't good enough.

he should have tried harder.

but it's too late now.

he took a step forward, his toes hanging off the edge, causing his stomach to to flips and twirls.

here we go.

neito took another step.

his last step he would ever take.

the tears fell from his eyes as he leaned forward, wind slamming into his face and messing up the hair he didn't care to style anymore.

"NEITO!" the cry came from behind him, reaching out to grab the blonde's hand.

but they missed.

he turned in the air to meet the face of shinsou, a terrified expression on his face. neito was falling backwards now, the details of the male he loved fading from sight.

clothes ruffled, eyes squeezed shut, he neared the water that would seal his fate.

his breath left him.

the feeling of the water was cold. welcoming.

but it wasn't real.

he jolted awake.

awake.

panting, he turned to see shinsou, asleep next to him. in the bed. it was a dream.

neito clung to shinsou like his life depended on it.

and on that day, it did.

when he was fifteen, he tried to take his own life. but shinsou had saved him. he grabbed his hand and pulled him close.

"NEITO!" shinsou cried, reaching out to grab neito's wrist, pulling him backwards. if he was a minute later, he would have lost him. how could he be so blind to what he was going through?

shinsou yanked him back onto the bridge and wrapped his arms around the smaller, who clung to his sweatshirt like a child. the sleepless male didn't care about the tear stains.

he almost lost neito. but he didn't. that's all he cared about.

remembering that dreadful day brought more tears to his eyes. what if he missed? what would that have done to shinsou?

neito didn't want to imagine. he was here with shinsou now, five years later. he still visits that bridge, but the thought of ending it all never came back. he visited it to remember that he fought through, and still could.

                          

a/n: fuck- i cried writing this. as you can see, neito went through some shit as a kid. this isn't canon, but some is based off my headcanons. the dream took place when he was fifteen, the flashback earlier that year. after he woke up, it was when he was in his early twenties, and lived with shinsou, his boyfriend.
monoshin gives me life so expect more of it!