Forgotten Wolf

21 Pay Up!

The short twenty-minute walk back to the starting point in awkward silence feels like an eternity. Tension replaces the usual harmonious atmosphere between Jace and Chris, making me uneasy.

Silence leaves me alone with my thoughts, which is rarely a good thing. The situation with Chris is intense, to say the least. A month ago, I wouldn't have thought there was anything there. Yet now he has such control over my body, it scares me. I'm afraid if he says jump I'll ask how high.

The thought of going back to a mindless shell only to obey like before terrifies me. A shiver runs down my spine as I shudder at the past.

I've done so well to keep the memories away lately.

I hug myself tightly, as if desperate to hold myself together.

Once they start it's like a mental damn breaks and the memories uncontrollably flood my mind. I'm frozen, remembering every time he took off his belt, or raised a hand. The sickening feeling I got when his hands were on me sends cold shivers down my spine. All I can see is that look on his face, such malice in his dark eyes, that warns me just how bad it's going to get. My heart races and my chest tightens as the panic bubbles up, threatening to suffocate me.

A hand landing on my shoulder sends me over the edge. I twist, desperate to get away, and lash out wildly, striking and scratching anything to get some space.

"Jess! Jess baby, you have to calm down!" Strong arms encircle me, pulling my back against a chest, but in my state it just fuels my terror and desperation to break free.

"Jess, snap out of it. It's me, Jace. You have to calm down. Chris has you, but you've got to stop fighting." My eyes start to clear, only to reveal Jace, his eyes full of concern. "That's it, breathe. We got you. Nothing's going to happen. You're safe."

The tightening in my chest starts to relent as I try to steady my breathing with Jace, following his rhythm. Blinking away the unshed tears in my eyes, I look around, trying to ground myself.

"Shhh, that's it, baby. Just breathe," Chris whispers encouragement into my ear and loosens his grip. His voice and presence are reassuring and helps to calm me. "I'm going to let go now. Just please don't run, okay?"

I give a slight nod to let him know I understand. Slowly, he unwraps his arms and I pull away, falling to my hands and knees. I stay there panting, fingers digging into the leaves and soil, grounding myself.

It's not real.

He's not here.

You're safe.

I repeat my mantra like always, willing myself to believe. After some time, my heartbeat and breathing are back to normal. I can feel both men standing there staring at me, but thankfully, they say nothing.

Eventually I sit back, eyes closed, listening to the gentle sway of the breeze as I finish gathering myself. I hear them sit down and Chris reaches a tentative hand towards me, but at my flinch, he withdraws.

Jace speaks first. "What was that, Jess?" His voice is gentle and laced with concern. I just shake my head. "Don't do that. That wasn't nothing."

"It was just a moment." The quivering in my voice confirms his suspicion. "Don't look at me like that. I'll be fine. I just need a second."

"Please talk to us. We just want to help you," Jace pleads.

Chris has been quiet, and I risk looking over at him. He's staring ahead at the ground, jaw clenching as he focuses on his own thoughts. I can't help the embarrassment at my outburst.

I want to run so badly, but that will just upset him further.

"There's nothing to talk about. It was just a moment," I practically whisper. "It's over now, nothing to worry about."